By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
But if somebody has told you repeatedly that they don't want you to do something, and you decide you know better and you go ahead and do it anyway, you are still entitled to your opinion that it needed doing but you have no right whatsoever to be surprised, let alone hurt, if they are seriously pissed off with you. Not because you cleaned the toilet, but because you ignored what they said and trampled all over their personal space.
Listen to what your mother says. This is her house and not yours. Zip it about the help, keep your ears pinned back, and wait for her to tell you what she wants.
And if she doesn't? Well, what about it? Nobody's forcing you to use her toilet.
I just can't imagine. But then...if I hadn't gone every few days when Mom was caring for my sister out if town, I probably would have the same thing with my Dad. Bad enough what I did clean up. And ladies men are this way because their mothers said "that's boys". I am so lucky with my DH. MIL had 3 boys and a husband and she must have trained them right.
You may just have to put your foot down and tell her that if she doesn't allow you or someone else occasionally to clean that you will have no choice but to be looking into her going into a nursing facility.
Good luck.
And Dad lives in a suite in my brother's house.
My brother never thought to check if Dad needed help cleaning and Dad uses a walker so of course he is not stable to bend to clean the toilet.
Dad had a twice a month cleaning lady, but that ended when Covid hit, so it has been 7 months before I took the photos. I did it to shame my brother, not Dad.
I did clean it as well as I could after I took the photos. My bother said he would make sure he cleaned it for Dad.
Sometimes seniors do not want to ask for help or admit that they are losing the abilities. My bother walked through Dad's suite daily to get to his home office, I do nto know how he missed the smell, but it never occurred to him to check the bathroom and Dad did not ask for help.
Vision & mobility problems.. Add lack of trust.. in your vision & judgement that a cleaner is required + add lack of trust of strangers in her house.
Add frugal with money.
Add strong independent streak.
That sum = no change.
(Besides cleaning it yourself).
How about the bigger hygiene picture? Floors? Stale food in fridge? Able to bathe?Change & wash clothing?
Often these fall into 'just leave it' or 'I'll manage' or 'I'll do it later'. All good cover ups for *I can't actually manage it anymore but I won't ask for help*.
Or maybe everything is fine, just a slightly less than ideal toilet.
The part that hurts is she says she hates me because I suggest someone to help her. Hangs up on me. She is brought meals every week from a restaurant and will call my daughter tell her what to send her. She never uses the words. Thank you, please, sorry or apologize. We tried to get her to go to an assisted living facility, which was nice, but won’t. My brother has Parkinson’s and sister in law can’t going over there. I live in another state and she refuses to come.
It’s getting so difficult and she just keeps getting meaner, but nice when she wants someone to bring her restaurant food.
Otherwise, drop it, at least you don't live there.
There is usually a crisis that does happen at some point to stubborn elders who refuse help. That's when they get placed against their will and have NO say about it. That may be what happens with your mom, especially if she's going down the dementia path.
Best of luck.