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I feel for you
I hate when people say you’re lucky to have her at her age to do for it
not everyone feels they can do this kind of care and they are not bad people
and yes she can be putting on the act and it sounds like she is to me
Then one day she fell and I had to take her to the er. She was in the hospital and rehab for 5 weeks, unable to walk, eat or do pt and or. She kept complaining about pain from falling. After giving her pain pills and patches they decided to do an ultrasound and found she had a swollen and infected gall bladder as well as a bladder infection. Praying that she would come out of the surgery ok, she did, but was weaker than ever with additional dementia. Now, back in rehab I’m unable to see her because of Covid and I can’t talk to her in the phone because she can’t hear me. I pray every day that she is being taken care of properly and is getting back to herself. I was allowed 1 visit outside and she looked terrible. They assure me that she is doing ok but unless I see it with my eyes I don’t know for sure. I cry every day wishing I could hug her and tell her I love her. My biggest fear is that she will die in that place and I won’t be there with her. This has been kind of a long winded note but for as much frustration as I had and as you are feeling right now, I can hardly wait to hear that damn bell ring again. However, this time I’m getting some additional care a couple of times a week so I can get out of the house once in awhile, No one know how hard being a caretaker is until they do it themselves. The home health will help a lot. But be advised that she may decline when they finish their jobs. Getting additional help
is a stretch for us financially but I think it will be worth it. Also, make sure she gets regular checkups for bladder infections. They can cause all kinds of problems. I wish someone had told me all of these things when she left tcu the first time.
First have a talk with her about she has to do the work or you cannot take care of her. When she asks for small tasks, tell her she needs to try on her own. Yes, she is weak, so you have to refrain from jumping in to help because it is going slow - allow her to struggle a bit. She will be building strength. If she says she can't hold her water cup, get her smaller cup...use one with lid and straw. One way to avoid the conversation about what she can't do is set the cup down and walk away. Tell her to get out of bed and busy yourself in the closet or something, but don't stand there and watch.
Ask the dr for in home physical/occupational therapy. It will start with several times a week and you can observe what she will do for others -- it's usually more than she will do for you. Even as the visits become less, tell her to do the exercises each day. Have her stand from her chair - hold it as long as she can - and then EASE herself back into chair. AVOID getting a lift chair because those chairs only create more deterioration of the muscles in her legs and her arms. Getting up and down maintains strength.
Was Mom in a wheelchair most of the time? Therapy is usually just 1 or/and 2 Xs a day for maybe an hour. The rest they sit. Maybe an aide will walk them up and down a hall occasionally. I swore my Mom would not get therapy again in a rehab if it was just to get her strength back. I would have it done at her AL.
Get her up and walking but don't force it. Remember, Mom is 93.
Insist she does her exercises before that extra pampering. Make her get up to go to the BR and each hour to prevent blood clots.
I understand your concerns but am thinking she just came off a long haul and may need more rest.
Good luck. I hope she bounces back soon!
You mentioned PT/OT coming in. Often others have said that their LO was more compliant with aides and PT/OT. Hopefully this will be the case. If possible, watch and learn the techniques used, so you can employ those tricks the rest of the day! If there are exercises to be done, encourage those, even if she only does a little multiple times/day! Perhaps mentioning how pleased the PT/OT person will be to see her tackling these and making improvement would help too! Maybe have some kind of chart or graph tracking improvements would help too - at least it would when reporting to PT/OT at the next visit!
Too often they won't do things WE suggest, but the same suggestions from someone else is like a message from god!
Our mother at 93 was still walking, etc unaided. It wasn't too long after that she insisted she needed one of 'those', pointing to the rollators others were using. I brought the one she had left over from dad, but it took quite a while before she really used it (in her case, at that time, I think it was more like she felt she should use it because others did, not from a real need.)
This went on for several years, but I had seen her walk without it too! Sometime late last year she started getting worked up, insisting she couldn't stand or walk unaided, even with the rollator. Unfortunately she wouldn't work with PT/OT and although early on she *could* still manage (aides would provide minimal support, sometimes just a hand on mom), sitting too much of the day and since then being in a wheelchair has compounded the issues - where it was possible anxiety about being unstable or falling, now it is likely just plain weakness which prevents her from standing or walking.
I cannot count the number of times mom had adverse effects and had to be taken off some of her drugs (it was especially bad when I first came home to take care of her). Check all of her drugs and the side effects they cause (be prepared to be shocked). For me, moms doctor is supportive and because she knows I know natural medicine we talk it out if natural medicine might be better ( which it usually is).
If you can, get a physio therapist to come in and give her a assessment and some suggestions.
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