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Mom just didn't like having another woman do the cooking, light housekeeping, or even going thought her refrigerator. The caregivers were let go after 3 days. My Mom was almost blind with an age related eye issue, and it wasn't until she passed that I realized why Mom didn't want anything touched or moved in the house. Mom had memorized where everything was, even items in the refrigerator. If only Mom would have mentioned that to me, then I would have had a better understanding and be able to alert the caregivers.
The sad truth is that these worries have grounding in reality. The elderly often ARE robbed by nefarious caregivers. That's the sad truth of it all. I would simply talk to her. If that doesn't work give her a small fire safe bolted to her floor where she can put her things that worry her when her house is occupied.
As to the caregiver crying about this, that's not really a good thing. Caregivers should be understanding of this and used to this and reassuring and adult about this.
Another thing that you could do is to leave out something that is easy to nick, like coins, and wait to see if it goes. If it does disappear, you have good reason to lock up small valuables. If it doesn’t, you can ‘confess’ to M about the trick test you have made and how honest the caretaker clearly is.
But she gets worried for grocery / vegetables/ and other small things. Am really worried about my mom. I feel that, its hurting her that some outsider has come home....and she cant do her tasks freely. While its nothing like that.
We are just trying to give her help and support at home...as she had a fall few months back, and has bit of difficulty in walking.
And yelling loudly..causes lof of giddiness and BP goes low, Any other way to help mom....am worried, as it's mentally affecting her
You may have to tell your mom that if she can't adjust to having caregivers coming to her home that she will have to placed in the appropriate facility to receive care.
There are no easy answers when dementia is at play.
Testing for dementia usually involves discounting any other medical cause for her change behavior. UTIs are very common in elderly -- especially women -- and can cause them to be confused, agitated, belligerent, delusional with no other typical physical symptoms -- yet it can be tested for and is treatable with antibiotics. Other causes could be a high blood pressure, low oxygen, vitamin deficiency, stroke, tumor, diabetes and more.
But if she's on a pathway to a dementia diagnosis, she needs to have her legal ducks in a row. Every elder person should assign a PoA to manage their affairs and make decisions for them when they become physically and/or cognitively incapacitated. She can't do this once she has a medical diagnosis or her behavior worsens and she's not able to understand or voluntarily choose to assign a PoA. It will be a bad mess for a long time for her family if they wish to help her. No one will be able to do her banking, manage or access her assets, sell her property, or make medical decisions without a legal representative.
You have a quandry where you need to get her to a certified elder law attorney to assign a PoA, but she's anxious and paranoid. If you take her to the doctor for this, they will give her a thorough physical but then if she's on Medicare and over 65 they will ask her if she wants a cognitive test. At this appointment she should not have this test until after she creates a PoA. Hopefully her primary doctor can address her anxiety with medication, which may help get her to trust an attorney.
For yourself, you should start learning about dementia so that you will understand what's going on with your Mom. I learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. They were extremely helpful because there are strategies to interact with people with dementia so your time with them is more peaceful and productive. Her caregiver should educate herself, too, if she's inexperienced.
If hired "strangers" will be coming and going from your Mom's house it is definitely a good idea to have a locking cabinet or fireproof safe to store valuables like jewelry, checkbooks, credit cards, passports, etc. I have one and so does my Mom.
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