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I decided not to set mom up with a phone when we moved her to MC. I wasn't worried about the 911 calls, but when she was living alone still she would call over and over about getting a ride to appt, turned off the ringer (would be okay at facility, but not when I was trying to call and got no answer for 2 days when she was alone!), and generally called me not my bros.
I also skipped the tv. I don't think she was watching anymore at home, probably couldn't operate or find the control. I also wanted her to be out among others, not holed up in her room. They have a TV in the common area, but generally she isn't watching it.
Her hearing is pretty much shot, so that's another reason to skip phone and TV!
Definitely get the UTI check and absolutely affirm what she says, commiserate and assure her you'll look into whatever it is she is concerned about. Hopefully the first place will drop the bill - depends on what their policy is on notice time, but given all the issues, esp the "escapes", they should pull back to avoid investigations!
We know not to have a phone in room. She would be calling 911 telling them she was kidnapped.
we have reported the first facility and have consulted an attorney.
Yes, they should pull back but I want the money returned for damages and over charging. Let’s see what DSS and Ombudsman say.
As for the other facility, you might want to reply on their invoice the problems (especially man in bathroom and her escape since that placed her in danger) you experienced, date you told them you were leaving, and that you filed a complaint with XX authorities. Keep copies of everything you mail to them. Make it clear that the issues that came up in their facility put your mom in too great a risk to leave her there and these issues were all explained to XX authorities. The Feb rent will probably go away.
Dementia causes the changes in behavior. So can a UTI, so ask the facility to run a urine test just to rule that out. Anytime you see sudden changes outside the normal quirks, check for UTI. Infections are very common for older folks in hospitals and facilities and often they create wild changes in behavior. The behavior can be abusive, just remember it comes from a broken brain that can no longer reason or understand things clearly. Just come up with some kind of phrase for response - I'm sorry, I understand, No arguing because you don't understand what is really going on in her head and she certainly doesn't always understand/believe the point you are arguing. It's hard to go along with something you know is not true, but in her head it's as real as can be.
Bless you!
I believe she needs more interaction with the staff and 24/7?nursing care. That is not what she got at the ALF. She has a fractured wrist with no reliable explanation how it happened. She can’t get out of bed on her own but constantly tried. She might have got her hand caught in side rails or by constantly trying to push herself up to a sitting position. she has a roommate now and hopefully that will help the loneliness.
The care she received was great... just not enough of it.
Good luck to you as your mom gets settled in the new facility!
I bought her a doll to care for. I read that they may need to feel useful and responsible again and that having a doll helps. I sure hope so.
She felt like she abandoned them. She was fighting to get out and go back there.
I would not let her know she can use the desk. If there is a problem, the staff will call.
Shocking bad things happen - things we find appalling and unacceptable - I remember one man peed everywhere - the dining hall, the tv room, and once on my mom's wheelchair - I literally had to demand that someone clean it up - they never stopped him because he became violent if they did
I'm surprised your mom wants to go back rather than go home - my mom never stops asking to go home
your contract might state you must give 30-days notice - what codes have they broken?
I called DSS and asked if this lack of care and stimulation warranted a formal complaint. She said most definitely and reported to Ombudsman too!
Why would I keep mom there another month and pay for it? The didn’t provide the services on the agreement, so why should I?
Secondly, you will need to fact check every single thing mom is telling you. With dementia, they frequently make up stories that always need to be checked with the staff. My mother has told some doozies.
If she's using the phone to call 911 and it's in her room, the phone may have to go. My aunt was calling 911 repeatedly saying Help me to the point where there was no other choice but to remove the unit from her room. There is always a phone at the desk the residents can use.
Wanting to go back to the first MC is just another example of confusion on your mom's part and not something you can agree to, obviously. As long as she's safe and well cared for in MC #2, that's the best you can hope for.
My suggestion is to allow her to acclimate to the new MC and keep your visits down to a minimum. Things likely won't be 'perfect' at the new place, either, as residents have issues and chaos can sometimes prevail! This disease is so awful, and it is so trying to deal with our folks all the time, it's mind boggling. Take a break for yourself and don't feel guilty.
Wishing you all the best moving forward.