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I feel InWyoo nailed it. Without a diagnosis how can "they" determine what is good for your mom. Memory care units are a lot more expensive, and the staff could easily be more mindful of your mom. It's a matter of if they want to do their job, as it doesn't sound (from what you wrote) that she is a true wanderer. I can tell you this though... her cognitive decline will greatly increase without challenge, and no activities won't help. Why do I say that? Who is she going to do the activities with? Oh she';s going to do them alone? What kind of QOL is that?
I feel for you both, and sorry this is coming to pass, but get her back in her old unit and make the AL nursing staff do their job. Good Luck, be well :)
Such a difficult position for you to be in, I feel for you, especially the point about balancing your mother's safety and her happiness. I suppose we tend to think 1. Safety 2. Physical comfort 3. Happiness in terms of deciding priorities; but of course they blur and overlap. No joy in keeping somebody 100% safe if in the process you make them 99.9% miserable.
It's in the memory care unit's favour that they are prepared to carry on discussing options, and presumably, then, will keep considering different options. Having said that, how do you feel about the range of activities and enrichment they offer in the memory care unit? Letting her friends visit doesn't quite cut the mustard, even assuming her friends will want to set foot in the place (they might regard it as similar to prison visiting): what else do they suggest? What about a caregiver accompanying her to visit her friends?
I also sympathise with your mother's feelings of claustrophobia, as I'm sure you do. The trouble is, that's not an issue anybody - not you, not the staff - will be happy to take any risks with. Terribly difficult to judge the exact point at which wandering within the home will suddenly become some misguided person holding the front door open for her and… doesn't bear thinking about. On the other hand, best practice should dictate that the whole facility is laid out to aid orientation for the residents: colour coding on different floors, clear signage, that sort of thing. Is this one up to the mark on that, do you feel?
On the question of your doctor, would he/does he have a good track record with your mother's care? I'm surprised that he isn't up to date on her anyway, if he still regards her as his patient. But if you're generally happy that he (or she, of course) is doing a good job with your mother, then yes by all means discuss decisions and get advice.
Finally, there's the question of what alternatives you have. If you could find a better facility not too far away, would you consider moving her? What is provision like near you? Before you even thought about it, of course, you would need to be very sure that another place was so much better that its advantages would outweigh the drawbacks of a move, which are considerable; but that doesn't have to mean that it can't be done.
So much to think about. Meanwhile, try not to get upset yourself about how upset your mother is. I don't mean be unsympathetic to her, of course, just don't get yourself into a state worrying about it - it won't help you reach clear, well-founded decisions. Comfort yourself by remembering you are working hard to find the best quality of life possible for her. That in itself makes you a good, caring daughter - well done you. x
Please refer to a book by Grace Jackson MD, Drug Induced Dementia - A Perfect Crime. Your mom should be evaluated by a neuropsychiatrist before she is given any dimension drugs. It certainly isn't enough to have her primary care doctor guessing at her condition.
To download a list of medications and what is called the Anti-Cholinergic Burden (I can't post it here directly because it is a.com), please search google for "prescribersletter.therapeuticresearch anticholinergic" exactly as written and the first choice it comes up will be the PDF file. This is an industry list to pharmacists, yet I have personally delivered the list 25 different pharmacist who knew nothing about it! This list gives non-anticholinergic alternative to anticholinergic drugs.
I learned of the anticholinergic effects of drugs from a neuropsychiatrist. Don't presume any doctor automatically knows about this. There is another list called the Beers Critetia for Potentially Inappropriate Drugs for the Elderly.
Comparing these 2 lists side by side will give you more knowledge to ask intelligent questions of the doctors treating your elderly patient. If the doctors are unaware and are not interested, guess what? Probably with the wrong doctor!
You are right again. It could be 1. that she was more ready for the memory unit than you'd realised or 2. that her meds, the stress, the lack of stimulation and everyday company or some other factor (possibly correctible, though I don't want to get too excited for you) is at play.
Good to hear the memory care people are being helpful and co-operative, at least. Best of luck with further explorations, please do keep us in touch x
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I speak from experience, with several GP/aunts/parent in different facilities, most facilities are going to work very hard to fill their more expensive beds first.
In fact, when you visit these places, they will encourage you to sign up on their waiting list (and perhaps charge you a few grand for it). What does this accomplish? It helps the facility to fill open beds, sooner. But does it help you, find a place, at the time when **you** need a bed? No.
They have an excellent memory care facility. I'm sure there are others, too. Good luck and don't give up.