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karen
I read a great book, Talking to Alzheimer's, which addresses some specific ways to relate to people with dementia, without agitating them.
There are no easy answers, we finally felt it was best to find an AL with a memory care unit, which has been successful for all of us.
But if the person who is treating us badly now always treated us badly, it requires a little translation. If anyone reading this had a mother who was a narcissistic bitch before, what you have on your hands now is a narcissistic bitch who additionally is confused, frightened, facing mortality and loss of power, and outright demented -- and you already have a history of abuse with this person. Hello! Let that give you a little permission to step back and look at how difficult THAT is, and get yourself some help.
If nothing else, do this for yourself. Family caregivers health and wellbeing will often suffer more than the loved one they care for.
Good Luck!
Pamela