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Although residents wandering into each other's rooms can be a problem, most likely her fear of attacks from this man are not based in reality -- but the fear is very real. Focus on the fear, not the details. Try to comfort her. Also say, "As soon as I hang up I'll call the head nurse and tell her what is going on. She'll make sure that he stays in his own room tonight." And then do call whoever is in charge at that time of day and explain the situation. Perhaps someone on staff could go visit her a bit and help her calm down.
I assume you have already checked into the accusations she is making. It is always possible that what she says is real -- someone is coming into her room, someone is stealing her things. But if you've ruled that out, then you sister is right. This is the dementia talking. Again, dementia-based or not, her fears are very real and she needs comforting.
Is she taking anything for anxiety? That might help with this problem.
To their credit, the nursing home kept her on the regular floor as long as they could. But, eventually, when she became combative, they had to move her to the Alzheimer's unit for her safety and the safety of the other residents.
Shortly after my mother arrived at the home, I had to pull the phone out of her room. It was for my own sanity due to hysterical 3AM calls multiple times a week. I am my disabled husband's caregiver and I need my rest. I assured her that if she ever needed to use the phone, there was one at the "hotel desk by the restaurant". She thought she was living in a hotel/apartment in Chicago in the 40's and she was a famous stage actress.
Distance yourself however you need to from Mom. Put on your thick skin when you visit her. Let her lies and delusions bounce off you and leave all that at the door when you go. I am actually planning to go to therapy. There are no support groups close by. You may want to consider it as well.
It does sound like the dementia...my mom experiences similar issues...and to her it is real as the sky is blue...and there is no convincing them that it is not so.....limit your visits and phone calls to protect yourself and enjoy your life before you loose your sanity. Good luck.
DigitalBanker - Anne111 already said she checked out the truth possibilities, and checked out the facility. "It is one of the best care facilities, known for their care and understanding."
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