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I would perhaps have the hospital set up some therapy sessions to figure out exactly what she really wants. Someone saying they just want die and actually being faced with that reality can often be two different things.
But if in fact she does want to just die, you yourself can set up hospice care for her, or you can ask her doctor to.
They will supply any needed equipment, supplies and medications all covered 100% under your mother's Medicare. They will also have a nurse come once a week to start to check her vitals and any wounds, and a CNA to come bathe her around twice a week, again all covered 100% under Medicare.
Now the fact that your mother is only 60 she may not be receiving Medicare yet, so I'm not sure then how that all works, unless her regular insurance just pays for it all.
I'm sorry that you have a mother who hasn't cared for herself and her family for a long time. To me it's very selfish and sad. She obviously has problems(mental and physical)that should have been addressed many many years ago. It may now however be too late. That is up to her. I would just honor whatever her wishes are AFTER she talks to a therapist.
I wish you God's peace in whatever she decides.
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She said her mom was DEPRESSED before this so she didn't just neglect herself for the hell of it. Depression can be a severe motivation killer, and that could be one reason why she has ended up like this. Depression is a REAL illness that can lead to self-neglect. Please stop blaming the victim.
I’d suggest that you ask her again if she still wants to avoid surgery and let her problems kill her. Be blunt. This time it’s for real. If she says that she still wants this, you can’t force it. It would be a good idea to get appropriate witnesses, and perhaps to contact APS to let them know that you are giving up.
Ask her what you can do to help her make her remaining life as good as possible.