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Do the snowbird thing. You need a life too.
Since this is March already, I assume that you are planning for next year. I can really understand your hesitation. My parents have recently become residents in a nursing home and we children are still getting used to giving up the control of their care. We fluctuate between relief and guilt. They are settling in well, but we are all cognizant of the fact that we still have to be advocates for their care. Even the best facilities need the oversight of someone from the outside watching out for them. And of course to visit! Even if all they do is complain or we just sit there in silence.
It might be that it is all very new to me, but I could not imagine not seeing my mother for 3 months while she was in a nursing home. When she was was younger and independent - sure. But she is more vulnerable now. They both are.
I guess I will get slammed for saying this, but you asked for our thoughts, and these are mine. Maybe my feelings will change in the future. So much of your decision rests on where you are in your caregiving journey, and what your relationship was and is with your mother. You have time before next winter to make a clearer decision.
How has she guilted you into paying someone to visit her when you’re away? Honestly, is this for your benefit or her’s? If she is still nasty to you when you return, maybe the person paid to visit isn’t doing that much good.
Since this is already March, you probably wouldn’t be gone that long. Even if you were, if your mom is as negative and dramatic as mine was, you may as well go with hubby and enjoy yourself. Because if you don’t get nailed for leaving, you’ll get it for something else.
Do they report regularly to you on your mom's condition?
Are they available when you need them?
How does your mom get along with the caregivers?
What does your mom think about your vacation plans?
Can someone else visit her in your absence (sibling, neighbor, friend)?
How often do you visit her?