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It is time for relatives to intervene and get dad placed where he is getting professional help.
People with dementia are often abusive because its not only their memory that is affected but their thinking and behavior as well. There are Alzheimer support groups if you think your mom can benefit from it. But remember, long term care dementia patienst, according to infolongtermcare should not be isolated as it will only worsen their condition.
You may also opt to hire a home health aide, maybe two caregivers on a shifting schedule so that someone will still look after him at night. It maybe costly but that is your call if you wish to reduce the burden from your mom's shoulder. If your dad has long term care insurance then call the company and check your options.
Goodluck!
As you are aware, your dad's dementia will only get worse. If he is violent and abusive your mom might want to begin considering a facility that has a memory care unit. I know you wrote that your dad refuses to go but because of his dementia your mom will most likely be able to make the decision on his behalf. He is no longer capable of making decisions on his own.
When someone with dementia gets aggressive going into another room until the behavior passes is usually what is suggested. This is so the person caring for the person with dementia does not get hurt and by going into another room it is the hope that the person with dementia, with no target for their aggression, will settle down if left alone for a few minutes. When we care for someone with dementia in our home there are no long term solutions. It's day by day, trying to get through each day. What works today may not work tomorrow. That is the nature of dementia. An aggressive episode upsets everyone and a little time-out is usually necessary not just for the person with the dementia but for whoever the aggression and/or violence is directed toward.
If your mom is against putting your dad into a memory care unit then how about full-time caregivers? Your mom's options are very limited at this point. From what you wrote she needs help desperately and she has to take care of her own health too. When we're caring for someone with dementia we give everything we've got and now is not a good time for your mom to get sick or down in any way and she is very vulnerable to that right now in caring for your dad. Caring for one parent is difficult enough but caring for two is impossible.
So a facility or full time in home help. I can't think of any other options your mom has at this point. Maybe someone else will come up with another suggestion for you.