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Unfortunately, we are now the decision makers for our parents. If they can’t become content with our decisions, made with their best interest at heart, they will have to reap the consequences. See what happened to FF’s mom. 😞
I had no other choice but to move her into Memory Care Assisted Living from regular AL after dad died and she became wheelchair bound. All she did was complain constantly, but that was her nature. She loved to be wonderful to others and antagonistic and miserable to ME. Memory Care Assisted Living was the best choice for both of us, in reality. I had less exposure to her toxicity, and she was in good hands with great caregivers who rarely saw her true colors.
You need to set down the rules for mother and the boundaries for YOURSELF. Otherwise, dementia can easily cause your mom to "refuse" everything, when given a choice. The best thing to do is not give her choices. Hopefully, you have POA and as such, POA makes the decisions for the demented elder and not the elder anymore. As it was with my parents.
Everyone loses with dementia. You, mom, the whole family. It's an ugly and horrible disease that strips everything away from EVERYBODY. Make your mind up now whose in charge, or you'll wind up jumping down the rabbit hole WITH mom and then chaos prevails. Let common sense prevail instead.
You will become the parent now and mom the child. In fact, my mother used to introduce me to others as her mother. That's the way it goes, sadly.
Good luck to you.
With my very elderly Aunts (several states away) they were resistant to a companion aid and I told them it was more for me than for them since I couldn't be there in person to help them. A lot has to do with the loss of privacy and adjusting to a stranger. If someone has memory impairment then you may need to continually make this case to her. I for sure would work with the aid on what to do if she shows up and you Mom tries to send her away or fire her.
And quite honestly as she progresses in her disease she will more than likely have to placed in memory care anyway, as 24/7 in-home care often costs way more than a memory care facility.
Tell mom , there is no other option.
I think giving a bit of time mom might really enjoy the company
Oh the fights my parents had as Dad thought having a caregiver was a great idea. Moving to senior living was also out of question for Mom, Dad would be packed in a New York minute.
So, I had to scrap the idea of having a caregiver for them, and just let nature take its course. Sadly my Mom passed a few months later from numerous head trauma falls that landed her in a nursing home. Dad asked me to re-hire the caregivers for himself.
That's sad. I hope your father was able to get his caregiver back and live in peace after your mother passed.