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And yes, if you have to RESIGN YOUR POA. You might need an attorney to do it if she is adjudged incompetent. APS can also walk you through it. He didn't answer you about "Ward of the State" because the state doesn't want to deal with this any more than YOU do, but the truth is they have the knowledge and resources to do it and you do NOT.
Keep on keeping on and thanks so much for your update.
Anyway, I did call the facility and it is a typical assisted living facility they prepare meals, manage medication and provide typical assistance that my mother will need. It's furnished. She only needs her personal stuff and I will be going there today to pay for her first month's rent and deposit. She just barely has enough to cover the cost of this facility. I will also set up direct monthly payment to the facility. I also told the SW that they will need to transport her from their facility to the AL facility, because I don't want to have any issues with something happening and her not being delivered to her new home and me being "stuck" with her again.
It does seem like I am finally out of this huge burden and I want to thank all of you who have provided me with advise and support to get out of this horrible situation. I know I am not completely "out" of it. But I have my life back. I know she will never be happy and that I will continue to recieve calls and complaints, but now, I can chose to respond or not respond and she is out of my house and I will never allow her to return. These past 2 weeks (that she has been in the facility) have been wonderful and peaceful. Like my DH said, the 15 months of living hell will quickly fade and be a distant memory. But, I will hold that memory as a reminder to never cave again and bring her into my home.
I still hold POA. She is not capable of managing money. My next move is to find an alternative POA for her. She will continue to battle me on needing more money or wanting to buy things she can't afford. I just do not want the constant battles with her.
I will continue to be ever grateful and continue to visit this forum to post and comment about this journey and help others who are in similar situations. I will also let you all know my thoughts on her new AL home.
I know it won't be easy but your life right now is anything but easy. After 6 years of my mom living with me and hubby (similar situation to yours!), I was waiting for her to go to the hospital again because she was not going to be coming back home. She'd been hospitalized like 3 years in a row but once I decided it was time, that dried up like a desert! I had to put on my big girl panties, with encouragement from other posters here, to tell her the bad news - that she was moving into AL. It was a rough start and she still doesn't love it but it is sooooo much better for me.
Best of luck.
It's not that you have decided. The doctors have set the bar and you can't reach it.
The facts are -
The doctors have decided that your mother needs 24 supervision.
(You did not decide that, the doctors did.)
You cannot provide that 24 hr. supervision.
Therefore your mother cannot be cared for in your home.
Your mother needs placement in a suitable facility where she gets 24 hr. supervision.
And yes, you can refuse to take her back. You will need to make it stick with "I am not mentally or physically able to accept her to my home". You may need to give up POA if you have it and can call APS to tell them you can no longer care for her and she must become a ward of the state.
Let the Social Workers at the hospital know at once you will not accept her home. Do not buy any of this "we can help" and "we will make this work". They can't and they won't.
I do have POA for finances, medical and mental decisions. But, I am more than willing to give it all to someone else...who??? I don't know since she has no one left.
Don't budge from that position when you speak to the discharge people and speak to them soon. As againx says -you don't want them thinking she will go back to you.
Stick to your guns. They know what resources are available.
Wishing you all the best and keep us updated.
Based on preliminary research I have done, Burnt and others are 100% right that NO facility charges only $1300/mo. In 1970, maybe, but definitely not in 2023! In a similar situation, I would be compelled to realize that and adapt, I hope reasonably graciously.