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My mother and her siblings took in our grandparents, their mom and dad (he passed away maybe in his early 70s). Nana stayed with her various children for a few months at a time. I remember her fondly, and she did not pass away until sometime after my first child was born. She was in her later 70s. She did NOT have dementia. She needed a safe place to stay with MINIMAL supervision.
I read enough information outside of this forum (before I even found it) and plenty in here to know how hard it is to deal with dementia and how difficult it is for ANYONE to care for dementia patients. Early stages, not so bad, where they may be as you say 'confused'. But it doesn't end there, it is progressive and most times gets so bad that it can seriously impact the family caregivers. It is NOT the same as in our grandparents' day. My parents were MUCH younger than we are (mom just turned 94). The combination of being younger and grandparents still being "with it" made a huge difference. After several spinal surgeries and a lower back issue that won't quit, combined with a woman at least 20 pounds heavier, there is no way I could take care of her. She has fallen multiple times and I would not be able to pick her up. She cannot remember what she or you said two minutes ago, did not have enough sense to contact ANYONE after injuring her leg bad enough to end up with cellulitis/ulcer!
While I had heard of Alzheimer's (only one kind of dementia), I was not aware of any of the others nor was I aware of how widespread it is and how much worse this "epidemic" is going to become. Living longer and "baby-boomers" are contributing factors to this disaster. Again, most people back in the day died younger, from conditions that are now (more) treatable, such as heart conditions, cancers, etc. Dementia was not as prevalent. The scary part is how we are seeing YOUNGER people coming down with this affliction!
We have to do the best we can and trust it works. If it means moving mom or dad to a facility, so be it. If one can manage home care, great! I seriously doubt everyone who has had to deal with this WANTED to do what they had to do, but it is what it is. When they cannot properly care for themselves and/or become a danger to themselves or someone else, you must intervene, confused or not. This is NOT about mistreating our elders, but trying to protect and care for them in whatever manner works best.
Disable her car
If he is living with you or someone else lock the car and keep the keys locked up.
I got a small safe to keep papers and other valuables in (good thing cuz I needed that when I eventually hired caregivers) and I would keep my keys in the safe or attached to my belt loop. Whenever I had the car in the garage or driveway the doors were locked.
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