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This reminds me -- my mother had some nausea that was pretty bad from what she said. We ran around doing MRIs and other things, trying to figure out what was wrong. It turned out she was taking too much metformin. I discovered it when I counted her pills. Of course she was sick! The drug was making her ill. She also had an episode from overdosing on Aricept for two days. Again, I discovered what was going on by counting pills. These type things stopped happening, of course, when I took charge of her medications. If your mother likes pills and has dementia, it is something to look out for.
I think my mother may see a doctor's visit like a date. She has become less interested in going to the doctor now that her PCP retired and she has a new one. That tells me a lot.
The "sick" feeling that depressed people have usually can not be explained easily by them. But one tell tale sign is that if after having a meal their mood is often elevated for awhile then they will go back down in emotions. This is because serotonin is the "feel good hormone" and is released after you eat. I have seen this reaction numerous times with my son and husband during medication changes of their anti-depressants. Please ask your mom's Dr. about depression.
Otherwise known as cluster B personality disorders. You are in the right place!
My mother is this way too. It is through no fault of your own. This can happen to someone because of trauma, abuse, or the wiring in their brain they were born with. There is no cure. There is nothing you can say or do to change any of this and I am very sorry.
She may never be willing to fully disclose the real problems to a doctor for the real treatments: talk therapy, a lot of work on herself to deal with reality, and anxiety management. These folks tend to refuse to admit they are the one with the problems. It's the rest of the world.
My mother went down this same path and is now in a secure dementia unit for combative patients, diabetes, low liver, low kidney, high blood pressure. I was 43 years old before I got medical confirmation she was mentally ill before the dementia even began. This was really hard for me to swallow for some reason, even after living in it for all that time.
What you CAN do is help yourself. A lot of us have been through/are going through this ourselves, so you will get a lot of support and honesty here.
My way out came through some counseling, this site's support, and using books like Stop Walking on Eggshells, Surviving the Borderline Mother, and giving myself permission to feel the awful emotions all this causes like anger, resentment, embarrassment, etc.
I learned what going low/no contact was, and how it is part of the healing process and nothing to be guilty about.
I learned that I am entitled to boundaries, respect, and those are nothing to feel guilty about. My needs & my families needs have priority and I am not going to feel guilty about that either.
Mom's life is due to her choices and all the anxiety, sleepless nights, worry, and upset on my part will do not one bit of good.
When she became too demented to live alone safely, the whole thing landed in my lap to deal with. I could have walked away. Maybe I should have. I don't know. I did a big complicated rescue project for her that was expensive, time consuming, and just tragic to live through. I don't know which one is the right answer to this day. I felt like I at least needed to put her somewhere she'd be safe.
The first thing I would do is step back and meter out your time with her very sparingly. Take a break. Don't answer the phone. Get a book, a therapist, a support group, and start to reclaim your life.
Come back often and talk to us. ::hug::
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