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I think that this is best discussed with the administration of the facility. I think if this goes wrong it will make this wedding all about MOM, and not about the bride and groom.
Wishing you good luck in your decision. This is not something I would attempt, quite honestly, in the BEST of situations.
Congratulations to your son. I wish him (and you) happiness for the future.
I wish your husband peace, and strength to your family.
If you don't have to take your mom, then don't. The trip will end up being about your mom and not about the bride and her special day.
My sister in law brought this woman to my mother’s wake at the funeral home as a “ see what I’m dealing with “ , because that’s how my sister in law is , she’s weird . She literally said “ see what I’m dealing with “ . ( She had to compare and compete in everything , even over which one of our mother’s had a worse case of dementia ).
I felt so bad for this woman in her 90’s with Alzheimer’s . She had no idea why she was at the funeral home , or who all the people were . She kept asking her daughter ( my sister in law ) to go home . My sister in law kept telling her mother who people were . The woman could not remember and wasn’t going to make any connections of who was related to who .
I felt like my sister in law put this poor woman on display .
I don’t know why people insist that we have to include elderly who are suffering with dementia to weddings and funerals and expect them to act normal , to remember who people are , or enjoy being at a family event .
No, you should not take mom to this wedding.
Oh, my goodness. Your grandmother should not have been at your wedding.
Go, enjoy the wedding and bring back a video to share. Maybe, the granddaughter can come for a visit after to share the video and ring and honeymoon and make grandma feel like she was included after all.
There was no way I was taking Mom. I had been caring for her in my home and I needed a break. I did not want to spend my time babysitting her. I just wanted to enjoy the wedding. You can take a video and show her or pictures.
You are right. I forgot about the eating. There comes a time when meals have to be private at home or in the dining room of whatever care facility the person lives in.
The other people at the wedding or restaurant should not be put off their meals because they're sitting across from some elderly person slopping food all over themselves, or being fed by their spouse or aide.
My mom was at that same stage when we took her out of ALF to attend the small, local, outdoor wedding of her granddaughter at a park with a restaurant lunch afterwards. Was only going to be a two-hour event. I had often taken her out to lunch or little shopping trips and I thought this would be fine.
WRONG! Mother didn’t even recognize anyone but me. She was confused. She wandered off during the quick ceremony. We wrangled her into the car and onto the restaurant. Once there, she had a major fecal event (and this was before she had become incontinent whatsoever and thus had on nothing but cotton underwear).
It was awful attempting to clean her up in that bathroom. Her clothing was completely soiled and feces ran down her legs. Thankfully, we had a spare set of clothes in the car. With the assistance of my grown daughter, we got her cleaned up, and then I had to clean up the restroom. The restaurant manager was extremely kind and helpful and provided everything I needed to get the restroom clean and fresh.
That was the last time mom left her facility, other than occasionally needing an ER visit. 🙁.
I hate this disease. Mom was diagnosed in January 2011. Nearly 14 years of saying goodbye to my dear Mom. 😢
Taking her away overnight will just add to her confusion .
Show her videos and pictures when you get back .
If the wedding was local and not overnight , it may have been more doable , with hiring an aide and not having her stay the whole time . Large parties for too long can be too much for them to handle, causing anxiety due to too much stimulation .
In general , I do not believe overnight travel, especially to unfamiliar locations is a good idea at this stage of dementia . They can get very disoriented , anxious , try to leave the hotel at night to “ go home”.
HECK NO!
The number of people, the noise the new place will confuse her.
There is a potential that she will try to leave the hotel room trying to "get home"
There is a REAL good possibility that 2 hours into the car trip she will want to go home. There is a real good possibility that every 5 minutes she will want to go home.
And how do you plan on having a good time while you are caregiving?
And it is not fair for you to ask anyone else to care for her while you are enjoying yourself.
Unless you plan on hiring a caregiver for the entire trip. (that would be the only way that you could bring her and make it "work")
I know you want her to see her granddaughter.
I know you want her to see her in her wedding dress.
My suggestion would be to have her granddaughter and the groom come by sometime after the ceremony in her dress and have a small reception there at the facility. You can have cake and show her photos of the wedding.
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