By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Your mother may also do well in adult daycare a couple days a week. There's socialization and entertainment and no babies or little kids around.
Your sister is wrong to think that people with babies and childrens just have to put up with a old stranger with dementia trying to kiss them and blowing raspberries or whatever they're doing. This can be terrifying to a baby or a little kid. No one should have to deal with that.
You are clearly more considerate of other people than your sister is. I can't tell you how many times I've been in resturants and some family drags their demented elder out with them. They expect the other diners to just accept or 'understand' the slopping food all over the place, the incontinence, and the outlandish behavior like when there's a baby around. It's not fair to the other people or the elder with dementia.
Plan your mother's outings more carefully if you're going to continue taking her out.
I also want to thank you for being considerate of other people. Especially children and babies.
We have gotten so bent of shape over the silliest things anymore. I mean really....this should be a non issue.
If any parent doesn't want someone approaching their little ones I'm sure they would say something, but most parents I encounter enjoy having their children being made over.
People of all ages are drawn to babies and little ones(myself included), but if you've ever taken either a baby or young child into a nursing facility, just about all the older folks there get very excited and want to get a closer look and talk to them and even hold them if the parents allow. I think it's quite precious how the older folks interact with them.
I think you need to just let your mom have these small moments of joy as I'm sure she probably doesn't have many anymore, and perhaps you can even learn a thing or two from her.
No, it is not unreasonable. Why should little kids or babies be upset and scared because some elderly person with dementia wants to get up close and personal?
Believe me, it is not precious when an older person comes up to a little kid or a baby to 'interact'. It really isn't. What it is is creepy and scary to a little kid. No one should take a baby or a little kid into a nursing home or memory care.
It's up to the person who is taking the older person out to keep them under control in a public place.
I remember when my son was a little guy and his dad and me would take him somewhere. He was beautiful and would often get the old ladies who would say what a cutie he was then move on. That's fine. The ones who can't be out alone anymore that start up with the kissing noises and trying to get close, are a different story. The person they are with is supposed to control them.
One lady told my MIL off a good 12 or so years ago for doing it.
Here we have quite tiny babies every week or two in the supermarket with M, eg the last one was 2 weeks old. I always ask M first if I can peek.
I was that parent that got annoyed when an old person would touch , get too close to talk or blow kisses in my babies’ faces . My daughter especially would get frightened . Saying hello from a 3 foot distance was fine. But I found the elderly often want to touch a babies face or hand . NOPE.
None of us would randomly touch , or blow kisses to an adult stranger . We wouldn’t like a stranger doing that to us either . Give babies the same consideration .
It depends on the severity of the brain functioning. A 'no' could be responded to with the opposite behavior out of anger or frustration. Often we have to try out different behaviors to see what works.
Sorry this happened to you / your child. Thank you though for responding here. It helps to have your personal perspective/experience.
I think distraction is your only hope for now.
A personal story: There was an elderly gentleman in mild cognitive decline who frequented our local grocery store handing out dollar bills to small children who were behaving well. My GD was the recipient of one of these dollar bills and my DD was a little bit taken aback. Luckily, I recognized him from other places around town and knew that he had somewhat recently lost his wife and had moved into an assisted living facility.
As disconcerting and perhaps inappropriate this may have been, it gave this sweet man a way to get a little exercise and fill lonely hours with something positive, in his mind anyway. He stopped doing it after a while. I don’t know if he was asked to stop but if so, I hope the management was kind.
"The look and smell of an elderly person with dementia......" Really? My mother smelled like perfume. Why must there be these awful stigmas associated with elders suffering from dementia?
Let's just realize we each have our own opinions about this, which we've expressed, and move on. 😊
I DO think if this woman is not easily controlled or well supervised then she should not be taken out of her facility.
Whatever our reasoning is (and I tend to side with the "are we REALLY this emotionally fragile" side of things) it is NOT OK to allow people to invade the space of others or to frighten them or their baby or the mother or whomEVER.
I think if this is not out of control, and the Mom can be gently told "We can't get too close to the baby mama; it might get scared, or mama might get scared" then it can be easily taken care of.
But if it can't be easily taken care of, it can't be allowed and mom has to stay in facility of away from where babies are.
It isn't OK to frighten others just because we ourselves aren't bothered.
Here in SF moms are ALREADY dealing with baby in the carriage, coffee in one hand, dog leash in the other, and having to text all the while. Throw in a granny and it's going to just be a mess.
See All Answers