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We drag kids to things they don't want because we know that, developmentally, they're going to need the skills they can develop there. But aged humans are not generally developing new skills.
It makes sense to have her evaluated for depression vs dementia (and don't forget bloodwork to check for vitamin deficiencies, which can mimic dementia). But if dementia is her diagnosis, why would anyone want her to spend her days being miserable doing things she doesn't want to do with people she doesn't want to see?
I often wonder whether we, as a culture, are forcing people into ALs because that's the best treatment for the next generation's feeling of guilt and futility (and because marketing works). The best treatment for your sense of guilt might be self-forgiveness (because you can't fix this) and acceptance (of her condition and desires), rather than forcing her to make a move she doesn't want.
What about letting her enjoy her remaining time doing what she wants to do in her own house?
It sounds to me like you are doing what is needed by providing a companion to assist and feed her as well as being company. I would say not to move her; let her remain in her home with her cat for as long as possible.
You are so cool.
R27
Your mother may try to guilt you into being with her all the time, since she may complain that you put her there. Recognize how FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) can affect your life.
With my inlaws I started by visiting places by myself first and gathering cost info (as this is not published on websites and they are resistant to quoting over the phone). Ask if they have a waiting list. Ask if they provide for Medicaid residents. Make sure they have care from AL to hospice so your mom will never need to move. Take pictures yourself, and don't show her the marketing brochures. Get pics of the residents doing things and maybe even inside an apartment. Show activity areas, grounds, etc. And ask about having a pet. THEN you can sit down to a nice, calm dinner and start a conversation about how you are not able to keep up with her care and maintaining your house. See if she's receptive or sympathetic. Show her more than 1 place so that she feels that she has "buy in" in the decision-making process for her future. Have answers if she is worried about paying for it. It may take more than one conversation so try to be patient. If she never comes around, some back to this forum for "next steps". Blessings!
I wouldn't think that she would be lonely, honestly having someone with you for 3 hours a day and you in and out 3 or 4 times doesn't leave time to be lonely.
I would be more concerned about her ability to respond to danger. Would she know how to safely leave the house if, God forbid, there was a fire or the house filled with smoke? Would she understand if she needed to call 911 because she was in distress?
That would be my largest concerns.
Has your mom been evaluated.?
You seem to have everything under control and you seem to be allowing your mother to be happy in her home with her cat... I personally think your doing great just keep a close eye on her dementia can change rapidly day from day... you'll know when the time comes what you have to do, until that time let mom be mom and enjoy what's left... that's really all both of you want anyways, as long as she's not wondering off or having severe issues when alone you and your mom should be fine.
If you can afford it and if your that concerned increase the setters time or hire a part time caregiver, just be aware, keep your eyes open for any changes and keep up the positive attitude.
I saw my dad frequently and I was daily dealing with his needs and issues.
Far from being dumped.