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Does your Mom have a Will? If not, then she needs to write one.
The duties of a POA end when a person dies and an Executor is assigned to take care of the Will probate process.
Here are some websites that you can "copy & paste" to your browser about POAs:
https://info.legalzoom.com/power-attorney-vs-durable-power-attorney-20053.html
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/difference-between-POA-durable-power-of-attorney-living-will-140435.htm
https://www.legalzoom.com/articles/do-i-need-a-power-of-attorney
http://www.caregiverslibrary.org/caregivers-resources/grp-legal-matters/hsgrp-power-of-attorney-guardianship/what-is-power-of-attorney-article.aspx
You need a power of Attorney and a health care proxy.
Get a little book called Five at 55 and read it with your mom; it outlines the 5 docume T5s we ALL must have at age 55.
Is mom seeing a geriatrician? It sounds as though that might be a good change to make.
First- thank you for taking the time to read about my situation and replying! Yes I guess she is still considered legally competent. Who determines that- the dr? I don't know if I have the authority to do those things but I did them. I didn't just take away her credit card. I explained that I would like to hold onto it for her and she gave it to me. She totally trusts me. 3 times in less than 3 years someone has called her and pretended to be a grandchild in trouble and she's gone to get money for them. After the 2nd time, she added me to her accounts as co-account holder. My name is listed on her checks as well.
She doesn't have a POA but I do have HIPAA access with her Dr and all the hospitals around here.
When I say the Dr's won't tell me anything- I mean they don't seem to know anything. I go to all her appointments with her. She just had her feet examined (xrays or something...idk exactly b/c they wouldn't let me know the room with her. I was in the waiting room). But her dr has seen her blisters and hasn't really offered any suggestion besides stay inside and let it heal. After a few weeks of staying inside she got real antsy and went outside to work in the yard. We have been working with a shoe pharmacy to receive special diabetes shoes since the end of May. Still waiting- that process has been down right stupid.
So- I need a POA, huh?
Who takes her to doctor appointments?
There will be a period of adjustment, certainly, but the combination of being ill and being in an overstimulating, unfamiliar environment like a hospital often causes confusion and even psychosis in some elders. Not the same thing as placement in an LTC facility.
yes everyone forgets stuff.
but dementia - is more than that.
her forgetting her meds is probably just one thing she forgets. you just haven't discovered everything else yet.
re read what cwillie and previous posters wrote. "she needs supervision, probably 24/7 or at least for the majority of her day."
read these forums on the difficulties that dementia creates.
I just took her credit card away (last Friday) and have been to the bank and told them, if she tries to withdrawal more than $200 DO NOT GIVE IT TO HER! Last week she tried to withdrawal thousands- someone was scamming her. Thank God the teller knows her and told her it was not a good idea. Great thing about living is a small town I guess.
I guess the issue, now that I think about it more, is more about the story she's telling rather than her meds. Because she is not and has never been a liar. So I know she believes what she is saying is true. Her dementia worries me the most.
7 months ago she was in the hospital with bilateral pneumonia. Her dementia symptoms got real bad because she called my sister and said she was NOT in a hospital but in a psychiatric facility and she told my sister to come get her immediately. So to keep her calm they gave her some sedative that had to out-of-it for days!
I'm afraid if/when she goes to a care facility it will be the end of any form of communicating with my mom. Like pulling the plug on her. I mean I would still visit of course but I expect her dementia symptoms to escalate and they'll just drug her.
BTW- her absolute favorite activity is raking leaves in her yard and she lives on 5 acres. She is strong. But she has fallen a few times. :(
(edit) And she isn't lying, she probably believes she took her pills and confronting her with the truth just confuses her, makes her defensive and paints you as the nag who is causing her grief.
Would Assisted Living be an option for her? The staff could make certain she takes her meds every day and every night. Short of that, yes, you probably should go there and make sure she takes her meds and don’t let her tell you “in a minute”.
If she can't afford it, apply for Medicaid. Nobody wants to live in or place a loved one in a facility, but they are better then being alone in a house and slowly deteriorating for lack of stability. This is nothing against what you and your sister are doing, I mean no criticism. I too have elderly parents who by golly are going to do it their way, come what may. I personally can not have either of them live at my home, they are just to stubborn.
I hope you find a solution that relieves the stress, I know this causes. HUGS