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I always firmly nudged my kids to visit and talk on the phone with my mom, and now, even though my mom has forgotten a lot of people in her life due to dementia, she still remembers my kids and loves to see them and still feels connected to them. Her other grandkids stopped visiting her YEARS ago despite having had a close relationship, and now she doesn't recognize them at all. In fact, she saw them for a rare visit over the holidays and was terrified of them. It was so sad for everyone. So in my opinion neglecting a grandparent that you love is far brattier than being sad that your grandkids are ignoring you.
(Okay, I get that this was only a response to someone else calling the great grandmother a brat. But before you double- or triple-down on this sentiment, I want you to stop and think about what you're implying here.)
One may be that they simply have too many people to visit! And it's also likely that they don't have a great relationship with her. My mom only wants to see certain people, and sometimes they come to town and we have to keep it on the downlow b/c they don't have time to sit in her overheated, hoarded out apartment with nothing for the kids to do but stand around. She has aged poorly and is actually a little scary for the great grands to see. My GD saw her once and burst into tears of abject fear, as mom looks a little like a witch (sorry, mom). Also, her place smells atrocious and kids will comment on that.
You can encourage or even facilitate a call or visit, but it really should be up to them.
My mom sits like a queen in her apt. and waits for people to show up. If she would call THEM and invite them over for a 1/2 hr visit, it would probably happen. Or not.
Communication is a 2 way street.
I always firmly nudged my kids to visit and talk on the phone with my mom, and now, even though my mom has forgotten a lot of people in her life due to dementia, she still remembers my kids and loves to see them and still feels connected to them. Her other grandkids stopped visiting her YEARS ago despite having had a close relationship, and now she doesn't recognize them at all. In fact, she saw them for a rare visit over the holidays and was terrified of them. It was so sad for everyone. So in my opinion neglecting a grandparent that you love is far brattier than being sad that your grandkids are ignoring you.
With the great grands on military leave, a realistic expectation would be maybe squeezing in a group call.
I always firmly nudged my kids to visit and talk on the phone with my mom, and now, even though my mom has forgotten a lot of people in her life due to dementia, she still remembers my kids and loves to see them and still feels connected to them. Her other grandkids stopped visiting her YEARS ago despite having had a close relationship, and now she doesn't recognize them at all. In fact, she saw them for a rare visit over the holidays and was terrified of them. It was so sad for everyone. So in my opinion neglecting a grandparent that you love is far brattier than being sad that your grandkids are ignoring you.
If crying is something mom is prone to do, you may want to get her an appt with her PCP for calming meds to have on hand. A low dose Rx for Xanax is never a bad thing to have available. Also, speak to the PCP about possible depression she may be dealing with. I know that both my parents were facing depression at that age for various reasons, health conditions they had no control over, mainly. Wellbutrin worked well for mom, and Zoloft did wonders for dad.
Best of luck.
Does she take any meds for anxiety?
Can you ring up the kids and ask them to call for a brief chat?
Is this a matter of dementia? Because I find myself that our kids and our grandkids and our great grandkids get their own lives, go their own way. Just a fact of life.
Tell her you are sorry she is sad.
There is little else you can do.