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My mother once asked me when my dad and his friends would be back from a fishing trip. "I don't know when they'll be back, but I sure hope they catch a lot of fish! I especially like them when you batter them lightly and pan fry them" And from there we discussed cooking.
Do the best you can at guessing what answer will satisfy Mom for the moment.
Jeanne's right. Take your cues from your mom. When she asks about her parents tell them they're somewhere that makes sense to your mom. Did her parents travel? Did they have dinner parties? Casually tell your mom when she asks and then change the subject. When my dad became demented and would ask questions regarding his delusions I would make sure he knew he was safe and then I would ask him what book he was reading and he would tell me in great detail about his book and not remember that he was afraid of his delusions.
It helps to have a few tricks up your sleeves like Jeanne mentioned. Go-to conversations that are safe and won't hurt our loved ones. But if your mom realizes that her parents are gone console her. Imagine what it must be like to all of a sudden become lucid and realize that the people you loved most in the world have died and you didn't know it. Let her cry, let her feel it, provide comfort. And then maybe recall a memory of your grandma or grandpa and share it with your mom. Look at some pictures of them. Once your mom has realized that they've passed away there's nothing you can do about it except be there in the moment with your mom. And there's some comfort in knowing that in time your mom will forget again.
That's brilliant! "Oh, they're about the same..." I may use that! My FIL knows that his wife has passed away, but he often thinks he's back living with his parents in their house (his parents passed away about 30 years ago!)
Please know this is not uncommon. My husband is in late stages of Alzheimers. He thinks his parents, sibling and relatives are all alive and live...in trees. He insists this is where they can be found at any given time. They are all dead, have been dead for more than a decade. His mother and father died more than half a century ago. As other people have suggested, I go along with whatever he wishes to believe. It's their world to reminisce, to believe, to want...we should not attempt to change what they hold dear. To try and explain realism to dementia patients doesn't work. Be patient and loving. I hold my husband's hand and simply listen to him babble. It's okay if loved ones having dementia feel their parents are alive, live in trees, along a road or under a bridge. Whatever makes them happy. They do not remember. He tells me he is meeting them for dinner...okay, that is good. I ask what are they having for dinner. He doesn't know; then the conversation shifts to an entirely different subject. There are days I just sit and wish my husband would say anything. The mind is so complex. Please be lighthearted, smile and reassure your mother in the most loving way that whatever she thinks, whatever she feels, she is correct. There will come a time when your mother will not know you. That is heartbreaking. And, who knows, perhaps in your mother's world thinking her parents are alive keeps her young...gives her a purpose to greet each day.
It's horrible and sad. Within that year, her husband passed and they had to put her in a facility. God I don't want to get old!!!!! 😥
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