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If she has residual it is not worth continueing because it will just overtax a body that is trying to shut down.
If she has expressed a desire not to have interventions then honor those wishes.
if she has an obstruction in her oesophagus and is in otherwise good health then feeding is a viable option for a patient.
I personally have a tube inserted through the wall of my belly into the small intestine.
i can still eat a little by mouth and the tube does not cause distress or limit activities.
i do have multiple health problems including difficulty swallowing but am reasonably still independent. I still drive and manage finances etc. I do enjoy all the help i get.
This is very different from someone in a SNF with advancing dementia..
If I was making the decision for my Mum who passed very many years ago I would not choose the feeding tube option.
However many people are so attached to their loved one that it is difficult to refuse any intervention that might keep a loved one alive even if it causes more distress to the patient.
There is a lot of material on line and I'd also discuss with the doctor. Is she on Hospice? From my reading, feeding tubes are not what most people think and don't do what most people think either. They can be particularly problematic for dementia patients, because they don't understand what it is and may pull on it, requiring restraints, which is even more challenging. I'd also explore the risks of feeding tubes and if they really extend life.
I'd make sure the facility was informed in writing that all issues would be brought to my attention, so that you can discuss issues like that with the doctor. I'm not sure why the facility thinks it's there decision. Are they are her Guardian or something?
I was approached at the hospital (thru M-Care case management)if I wanted my Dad to start Hospice. I had never been thru these things before, but I said yes. Because I really needed support and guidance.
And yes, this is a difficult decision, yet an important one to honor your LO's wishes.
Be at peace.
These are such difficult decisions to make but you know your Mom and what her wishes would be better than anyone in the NH does. They probably need to offer that option but if it isn't something you feel your Mom would want, tell them no. Hugs to you and your Mom.
Here in BC, Canada, we have a similar document to the POLST, called a MOST (Medical Orders for Scope of Treatment). As mom POA and next of kin, someone mom has indicated a decision-maker who will respect her wishes, I was allowed to sign this document in her stead. It's not something I could just put in place at will - rather, mom has always had certain advanced directives (a DNR), and this is a change those directives, put in place by her doctor as a result of many conversations between me and the medical team looking after her care.
Here, the DNR is part of a MOST - basically resuscitation status is the first level designation. The next levels are critical care interventions and medical treatment interventions. Critical care would include things like tube feeding, ventilators, etc. Like your mom, being kept alive that way was something my mom previously told me she never wanted. So in mom's case, I've had her designated to allow for full medical treatment of illness, but not critical care or resuscitation.
Perhaps someone from the USA could better answer what a POLST covers specifically.
Edit: this is the MOST document in PDF format, for comparison - mom's status is "M3":
https://www.interiorhealth.ca/AboutUs/Policies/Documents/Medical%20Orders%20for%20Scope%20of%20Treatment%20(MOST)%20and%20Advance%20Care%20Planning%20(ACP).pdf
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