By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
SAFETY
If it is not safe for you to care for him at home....
If it is not safe for him for you to care for him at home...
You have no option but to place him.
By safety I mean not just physical safety but mental, emotional, safety.
Placing him in a Memory Care facility is NOT admitting failure, NOT giving up it is accepting that you are human and you need help.
If you can get help to come in at least 4 or 5 days a week, during times when you really need help or a break. That help can also do some light housework. That might be an option that would allow you to keep him home longer.
If he is a Veteran the VA does have programs that can help. If so check with your local Veterans Assistance Commission to determine how much help he would be eligible for
A question for you...
who cares for you if you become injured caring for him? And who cares for him while you are healing?
Even with aides, how well could you focus on work if hubby is home and needs extra attention?
You can't help him if your body makes good on the warnings it's been giving you and you end up in need of care.
You decision can then be based on a MC, which is private pay, or a LTC facility which Medicaid will pay for. If your assets are such that MC only means his split will only last a few months, it may be wiser to place him in LTC going right into Medicaid, He will get into LTC much easier if private paying.
You deserve a life. One person just can't do it all. He now needs more care than you can give him.
1 - You can not get 7-9 hours of sleep every day - in one long sleep.
2 - You need to eat fast and your meals are not really healthy.
3 - You have no time off to take care of your own health needs.
4 - You have no time off during the course of 24 hr day
5 - You have no time off during the week to have fun, talk to family/friends...
6 - You do not have other people (or only a handful) - family, friends, members of faith community, paid help... - to help with caregiving
What are some pros and cons of placement?
Some pros: more energy to concentrate on your business; less stress and anxiety; relief from being primary caregiver; doing more of what you want to do; insuring his safety; knowing he's cared for.
Some cons: worrying about his care; did I choose the right facility; over expecting and not being happy with his care; grieving over your separation; financial concern of the cost; possible regret of placing him; worry that he won't adjust; loneliness.
Visit several facilities and once you place him, trust that the staff is doing a good job in caring for him. Remember, you are still his advocate. Communicate with the staff and express your concerns for his care. Don't second guess your decision. Visit often and reassure him of your love. This is a life changing decision for you both. I speak from experience when I say this may well be the toughest decision you will ever make. I wish you well.
That said, dementia reaches a point where in home care becomes almost impossible for most spouses. When I worked in a Memory Care AL last year, I interacted with lots of spouses who had no other choice but to place their husband or wife in our AL because their care had reached the point where they could no longer cope with it. They were getting no sleep, no peace, and nobody was thriving. They were pretty much where YOU are at now.
The Memory Care AL offers the resident teams of caregivers who are there to help them 24/7. 3 hot meals a day and 3 snacks. Activities designed specifically for their abilities; movies, games and most of all, interaction with others like them. That's an important thing that most people don't understand! Companionship/friendship with others in the same boat which cannot happen at home. There are parties in the MC for holidays, driven by the activities director, too. Lots of fun things go on. My mother's place they have a mini bus driver that takes them to the mountains for scenic drives a few times a month. And to see Christmas lights in December. Things like that.
If you place your DH, you'll have your life back and HE will his own life, too. You'll go visit whenever you want and can take him out for a meal or for ice cream if he's able. That's what the spouses did at the MC I worked at.
Don't look at this as a 'failure' on your part or some sort of horrible place you're putting him in. Quite the opposite, really. Go tour some MCs and see what you think.
Wishing you the best of luck moving forward
See All Answers