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I had to place my Mom in Memory Care about 4 months ago because I needed some throat surgery. The first place was nice and close to home. She was there 3 months. Each month they sent her to a behavioral psych. Unit in a nearby hospital for 2 weeks. Then after 3 months they kicked her out.
I moved her after that to a place in a larger city that was a stand alone Memory Care that was newer. It was bigger but they had more staff and they had more activities and more room too roam. This all was upsetting and scary to Mom and myself at first. Now 2 months later she is doing better in the new place.
I didn't want to move her further away but I guess it just takes time. She liked the old place but people there were touching her all the time and she was batting them away. Everyone says it just takes time but when all of this is new and it's YOUR parent, well.....I know you just want to grab them and run home. Try to wait and see what happens. Have the doctor see him. If it's not a good fit, maybe you have to move on. My Mom still wants to come home when she sees me. After 7 years of caregiving, I had hit the end of my rope. Please don't feel alone! Amijoy had good advice. We are bringing Christmas to her this year.
How many residents are there to one care person in your dad's place? Realize most facilities are in this business for the money and they will cut costs any way they can get away with. It is heartbreaking to see one's parents in decline, and you are correct to question if this situation is right for him. I would think he would be emotionally upset, and that can cause physical decline, but this is too abrupt.
You know your dad best and you can read his signals and you listen to what he tells you. My mom stopped talking to me because she felt there was no point - she had tried to tell me things were bad but somehow couldn't tell me specifically about this aide. The many falls, her constant exhaustion, her inability to feed herself, her "shutting down", were all indications to me that she was not well cared for and if I could have convinced my brothers earlier I would have taken her out of there sooner. No one deserves to be mistreated, especially those who cannot defend themselves.
Yes, maybe give your dad a little more time to adjust and try to be there for him during that time - but don't be afraid to question things and to advocate for him. It was easier for my brothers to ignore all of the signs and to dismiss my concerns. And it was really hard for me to fight for my mom's well-being. Just don't discount everything as a symptom of "the disease". Listen to your heart - pray for guidance - and do what you think is right for your dad.
That being said, what kind of medication are they giving him? It could be he is over medicated, which would cause some of what you are seeing. Are you visiting at different times of the day, remember he is used to seeing you at various times, this also lets you see how the facility operates. If you can fix up his room as much like his own room at home as you are able to, the comfort of his familiar things might help him.
I have a saying that I forgot to take with me on my last trip to hang on the wall for Mom, but I think it is beautiful with so much heart felt meaning:
MOM, I know you have loved me for as long as you have known me,
But Mom, I have loved you all of my life.
The same can be said for Dads too. Please keep this in your heart and mind, listen to your Guardian Angel on your shoulder and you'll be able to do what must be done for your Father.
Merry Christmas
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