By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
He needs to be encouraged, but it is his decision whether or not to make the best of the situation. His decision!!!!!
You cannot be guilty about your own survival! He needs to understand that!
Be totally honest with him & let him know that this is not the end but another begining. Unless he is selfish & callous he will understnd and respond properly.
Ask the staff to help in the transition. They have been through it before and know how to handle the adaptation of an elder. You can arrange a meeting to plan a course of action with them. That is what they are there for.
It is a blessing, because she sees that not all facilities are horrible places. She was once a very social person...and now this has returned. Everytime I go to visit her, some one is telling me what a "hoot" my Mom is. She looks healthier because she is not constantly stressed and this gives me peace of mind too.
When she is discharged she will return to her home with lots of help from us and some from caregivers. I am committed to helping her stay in her home...but, if the day comes that she needs more, I will find the best surroundings for her that I can.
I realized a long time ago that I cannot do it all. I do not have a medical background and no skills in that area. But I can do everything else for her. I just want her to be as happy and as healthy as she can be. I agree with all above, you have to be responsible for your own health and destiny. This does not end when you have to move to a facility. Those people who flourish are those who can adapt and roll with the punches. However, you can only be responsible for yourself.
My only advice is to check on the facility regularly...do not just go on what your father says. Offer him ample opportunities to get involved, try out a hobby, whatever, then step back and let him take a few steps on his own. If I had taken my Mom out of rehab when she wanted to go home, she would not have had this chance to heal and get to know some wonderful people.
Good luck....guilt has a way of creeping into my life too.
Lilli
If you are blessed to have the opportunity to take care of your elder loved one, embrace it. While my Dad was in the nursing home, I got to know quite a few other residents there and saw how their demeanor changed in time. They lost their zest for life. I have a feeling that your Dad is not going to change until you change his circumstances.
There were always card games, an excerise room, personal garden plots, movie nights & a piano in the lobby which residents were encouraged to play. I realize it's soon to consider a move but you might check into a larger more social environment for him.
Don't give up.
I'm just sayin'
"I HATE to move you and I HATE to see you like this but, I MUST work - I can't afford to stay home anymore. And, you can't be home alone during the day. I am not a young woman anymore. Your physical needs are more than I meet - I fear for your safety at home. If I continue to lift you, I'll hurt myself and could drop you - which mean you could suffer a broken hip or worse. If THAT happened, you'd end up in a nursing home. At the rate you're going, you'll end up in a nursing home MUCH sooner than you would normally. "
Tears doesn't hurt - he'll know you mean it. You might also ask him what his solution would be - if he says he could be home alone, then run down the list of "why nots" - prescriptions, bathrooms that are too small, can't get in tub/shower, can't make food - etc, etc..... I would also suggest that you visit a little less often which might force him to get up. The care givers might also take food into his room and set it up at a chair and table across the room. I'd hope they have "snack" time in the morning and afternoon - cookies, pie or cake and coffee in the dining room or kitchen - they need to go tell him it's there to tempt him from his room.
Medical examinations are a good idea, perhaps a low dose anxiety drug or anti-depressant might help too. All said, at some point we have to accept that our parents are in charge of their destiny. It's not easy and it sucks. My own mom refused to do physical therapy and exercise which meant she could not walk. We nagged her for 4 years but she wouldnt help herself. Now she uses a wheelchair and can't maneuver around her house so she's in a nursing home. She's 90 so is weak due to the natural decline with age but she hastened it due to her inaction. She'd rather sit and watch TV or do her crossword puzzle than exercise. I have to accept this decision because she's still with it enough to make her own decisions. She's easy though and doesn't apply the guilt - my father, brothers and uncles on the other hand - HUGE drama queens!! HUGE!! It was hard not to laugh at them but I still felt guilty when they could not be at home. I hope you find some solution for YOUR sake - his tool
If you are in assisted living, you might need assistance with some things but you should generally be self-reliant. It's understandable he feels "dumped," but he chooses to sulk instead of adjusting to the new surroundings and making the best of what he has. If I were you, I would ask the staff for tips and other Residents to reach out to him and get him out of bed. Also, go over the reasons why he was placed; but be honestly assertive. Otherwise he'll keep trying to flip the script on you and making you feel guiltier. Despite his age, he's always been a strong man. Believe me, he can take it. ... Do you need me to come with you?
-- ED