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I think you and your siblings are doing everything you can possibly do to keep your mom engaged and you’re doing it with a really lovely attitude.
How will I deal with this kind of aging? Well, I’m right on the cusp of this with my mom and I hope I deal with it with as much grace as you do.
Mom was complaining to me about loneliness today, I changed the subject to the fact that, loneliness is a national epidemic, and how covid didn't help.
She was trying to guilt me to come over more, and that guilt would of worked for me pre Aging care forum. Post aging care forum, it doesn't work anymore. I know that I'm doing the best I can do, and keep my mental and physical health, happiness, marriage, it all has to come first.
I didn't , make mom have a husband that forced her to have no friends and alienate her from everyone. I didn't force her to live in the country.
I didn't tell them she didn't need meals on Wheels, which would at least give her someone to say hi to.
I didn't not let her drive, so I could control her , my dad did that. Now she couldnt drive, but a few years ago she could have.
I want her in an AL, she won't sell her home, she won't move.
So why should I bring home that guilt? I don't and won't anymore, and that is making her more complaining, but I can't let it bother me.
I know in my heart that I am doing the very best that I can do.
I'm 71, he is 73 and we have a sister that is 68.
We invite her out to go along somewhere and she will go sometimes but it does make her tired.
She does get around pretty well. Her memory is off and on and sometimes struggles to find the right word.
Since my brother does a lot, I think I am more the sounding board with her. She'll say "don't say anything to anyone about this...."
So we seem to have conversations that are between us, and it does give her a chance to say what's on her mind.
She watches some TV, she will watch golf & football, some game shows.
She loves going to the casinos for short time to get out.
Her health is pretty good.
She had a small stroke about 1 yr ago but has recovered very well. We were there when that happened.
Thanks for responding.
That said.................I am 82, an old retired RN with a partner 84. So listen up.
Firstly, ALL of our kids are having physical problems in their 60s that would preclude their taking on much of anything, including US. Their "other mom" is, like yours, in her 90s. Both my parents lived to their 90s. My brother to 85.
So..... I am well qualified to tell you that this is a time not of contentment, but of losses. One loss after another and I could start up top with thinning hair, bad ears and eyes, and go down to the toes with numbness. You don't need to hear it, because hey, you have MOM.
This is the way of it. Some of us go gently, trying to keep woes away from our kids and some of us rant on about each and every loss large, medium and small (to saying nothing of our rantings about "the state of the world"; as though it was ever in some BETTER state?!).
Just to repeat, you are doing great. So is she. Eventually there will be some call: "Do you know we have your mother here at Cedar Spring Hospital". That is unless YOU end up at Cedar Springs first! But until then on you go.
I admire you are doing it as a cohesive and caring family, because that's something so seldom seen here. Try to pick out the beauty and laughter kicking and screaming; you must have it to survive. My best to you.
My mother was stubborn wouldn't move from her mountain home to FL where my brother & I live, she sat by herself watching game shows 24/7.
No doubt about it she was lonely and depressed. She finally had a slight stroke, she became afraid to be alone at night.
My brother and I scooped her up, moved her into an AL near us, she loves it, new friends, activities and no housework!
That was 5 years ago, she is now 99 and teaches sit down aerobics 3 times a week.
Sometimes this living in place thing is not what the media cracks it up to be.
Any county senior day care in your area, might be just what she needs.