By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Consider getting a post office box for mail and package delivery. It is a nuisance to go collect it every couple of days, but will reduce the 'excuse/reason' to open the door to outside.
If these interventions don't work....time for a hired caregiver to give you regular times to go out on your own and know that mom and dog are safe.
It might save you from the heartache of loosing a pet.
You might consider cameras for when mom is home alone to see what she is up to. It can give you a heads up when she is no longer able to be alone and help you see her interaction with delivery folks etc.
She is past the time to take instruction from you. You are causing yourself extra stress.
You will have more luck asking the dog not to beg and to not run out the door.
If there is a dog park nearby, that might be fun to take mom and the dog and let her watch the dogs run and play.
Good luck!
i just want to add:
only you know...but your mother might also be doing it totally on purpose, in order to upset you. she might be amused/have joy from you getting angry. it might be "fun"/"entertainment" for her to see you get all worked up.
hug! very kind of you to help your mother. i hope you're able to, at the same time, live a full life.
regarding door/feeding...
one thing one can always try is reward/punishment. you can try to say:
1.
"Dear, sweet mother. From now on, every time you open the door or feed the dog, you'll get your least favorite meal 7 days in a row. You'll also have to eat Brussels Sprouts every day at lunchtime. And you will be forced to watch your least favorite, most boring, movie."
2.
"Dear, sweet mother. From now on, if I see that for 1 whole month, you never opened the door/fed the dog, you'll get as a reward..."
etc.
Life changes. We as people change. Once we have flown the nest very hard to go back. Parents look at us as children, not so much the adults we have become. You agreed years ago that Mom would live with you that was at a time when you probably didn't understand what Mom would be like in the years to come. Now you have to admit that this arrangement does not work anymore. If Mom has money, may be a good idea to place her in an AL.
?
Regardless, this doesn't mean that your mother has to continue living with you. It's been more than 8 years. What is her financial situation?
Are you her HCPOA/POA?
I started providing her treats she could give to my dogs, a small dish and she can give them all of them but, I don't let my dogs beg at the table, so I actually get after the dogs when she calls them to be fed at the table. It upsets her and I tell her, they know better than to beg at the table. Doesn't change her actions but, keeps me from having my dogs doing things I won't stand for and makes her responsible for getting them in trouble. It actually makes her an unsafe human in my dogs eyes but, dogs are greedy guts:-)
I have German Shepard's and they puke when their diets get changed, so I told her I would be putting it in her pillow if she gave them anything besides their food and treats. This was the most effective thing so far.
I would lock the dogs up when you leave. You say you aren't gone long, so this will be fine for them. They will probably feel safer anyway.
If you are going to keep mom with you, you are going to have to modify what you do to protect your dogs. She has proven that she is going to open the door and feed the dogs, for whatever reason that is, protecting your dogs will make you feel better.
You have no way to predict what part of her brain hears facts accurately and what part distorts or erases.
Nothing you’ve tried, or will try, can change what you experience now. She isn’t fabricating “excuses”- she can’t.
She “doesn’t get it”, and her motives aren’t relevant.
If you have decided to refuse your opportunities to investigate Alternative living placements, you will need to stop attempting to rely on her to meet you expectations, since she won’t, because she can’t.
Please start developing a management process with regard for YOUR NEEDS. Attempting to develop your life plan with her in the middle of the circle is NOT working FOR YOU.
So what?
That does not mean that you have to house her or provide care for her, does it?
Why did you think that taking such a difficult person into your home would be a good idea?
What plans have you made for her to move elsewhere, since clearly this is not working for you and your family?
It's your house. You get to decide who lives there.