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My moms house was 10x worse after I helped her clean it out. It was security for her and not something I could understand. I made it worse by helping clean out.
I saw this when traveling with her and my hoarder auntie, they both brought far to much stuff and would "tuck" themselves in bed at every overnight stop with all their stuff out on their beds. It was eye opening at how much they needed the hoard. Gut wrenchingly sad but, it is how some people cope.
I pray for both of you to find a way you can both live in peace and comfort while minimizing the chaos of a hoard.
The DSM-5 now lists Hoarding as a separate diagnosis, and there is ever more and new research on it. Once thought to be a part of the OCD continuum it is now its own diagnosis. Like all mental illness, mental conditions, personality disorders, there is more UNKNOWN than known about how to handle hoarding.
If you have tried reasoning (the "let's do three piles, one we can donate, one we will keep and one we will recycle") and that hasn't worked you might see what happens if you quietly eliminate when wife isn't around one small thing at a time. IF this causes a lot of problems then I would seek help from a LSW familiar with hoarding to discuss.
I sure wish you luck and am so sorry you are dealing with this on top of everything else.
Have 10 bins of cook books in a shed and she’ll never cook again so the bins will disappear a bin at a time. I will likely do the same with other stuff over time or our kids will be dealing with it.
When my MIL went into Rehab, knowing she was not coming back, we started cleaning out her house. In a chest of drawers she had, she had plastic grocery bags full of junk mail.
You are correct that it really is a safety issue. Unfortunately, it is also a mental health issue.
I realize that hoarding has to be handled in a certain manner.
Nevertheless, I would not be able to handle the OP’s situation well. I’m afraid that I would not have the patience to tolerate hoarding.
I had the opposite problem. My mom was a perfectionist. You know the type, “A place for everything and everything must be in its proper place!” This was annoying but I would gladly take that over a hoarder.