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Stories such as yours and worse are far too common on this site and beyond. I hope that you and your husband will get some therapy in order to save what is dying all around you by finding the strength and courage to set some normal and healthy boundaries around yourself, your marriage and your children separate from your FIL. What is going on with your husband that he is evidently more emotionally bonded with his father than with you and the children? He needs to wake up because he is not being faithful to his marriage vows, etc. by doing so!!!! I've read of sons doing this with their mothers and I know what it is like to have a wife do this with her mother, but a son with a dad, no!
It is a very sad commentary on caring for the elderly that it leads to much of what I can't believe a majority of parents want and if they were in their right mind, which they often are not. The collateral damage of the caregiver's health physically and mentally; marriages end in divorce or permanently damaged; relationships with children or one's own grown children and grand-children strained or destroyed; children and grand-children given such a soar view of the elderly. Do we sometimes think that by sacrificing our own lives that our elderly parents will not die? Who is going to be there once they do die? Is it worth being all alone singing your own lonely song with nothing but ashes of your former life and relationships all around your feet. I frankly think it is a version of slow suicide to destroy ourselves when someone else who has already lived their life is about to die.
vacation is over . time to go home .
pack his bags set it out on the curb .
wave at him goodbye .
then need to mend your homelife together .
then your marriage gets stronger , kids be comin back home . :-)
Marriage is on the verge of divorce.
The teenagers, boy 17, girl 16, comes home only to bathe and eat now.
Productivity at work has declined.
No intimacy between us.
Father in-law is happy.
All of us :(
sounds like to me u have it going real good , happy to hear that .
it all works out for the best .bless ur heart for letting him come and be part ofthe family . i would rather be with someone than begin all alone in a home .
god bless u and ur family .
If he's in good health, I recommend consistent low-impact exercises so he can keep those knees greased and ready to go (remember the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz?). Well-padded sneakers and a treadmill at a local gym should do; maybe some light biking and leisure walks through a park. Otherwise his condition will worsen and your life will revolve around his. Don't let this happen, or your misery will trickle down to your children.
-- ED
We have a large family room that my kids have friends over to play, sleep over or have parties...which they love. Thankfully, my husband and his father have very good boundaries. He allows my husband the space and time to parent and be a husband. He never interferes in the parenting of our daughters. He stays out of any discussions we have regarding decisions or issues. Which we rarely have around him anyways. So, again, it's going good.
oh well . people come and go dont they ?
take care !!
The stories that I have read on this site make me wonder strongly about such a decision. People have lost marriages, experienced their children feelilng estranged from them, etc. in these situations.
Privacy will be a big issue not just for you as well as for the two of you as a couple, but those pre-teen girls are going to "Need" some extra privacy in my opinion. Also, how are they going to have a sleep over with a very elderly old man in the house?
One concern that I have is that your FIL might start acting like your husband is a little boy again and put you in the middle of an emotional triangle. I can only image that the whole dynamic of being a family has probably changed a lot since posting this thread in December of 2009. I hope we here back from you soon.
i dont mind it cuz i get to spend every mins we have with eachother , he feels safe with me and i respect that , i cant put my dad in a nh , i know he feels bad that it became too much for me . he sat me down last year and told me that if i put him innusring home he will understand that and he is ok with it . i can see it in his eyes , so sad soooo sad , i told him dad ill keep on takin care of you cuz i enjoy having you with me so i wont worry about you at nh ,
you said its ur father in law . i would imagin it be a diffrent kind of feelings , if i had to take care of my mother in law i prob end up having a nervouse breakdown . i cant handle her . she is like a sneaky lit girl .. repeats same thing over and over and over , oh my goshh i had to ingore her , tried to change the subject and she dont hear me out .
no i dont think i can .
once you have someone living with you will become another resospiblity ,
alot oftime i smile and say im a prisoner in my own home ....