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to evaluate their care level. I have also requested the same from their doctor.
My parents have been married for 68 years and my mother has catered to his
every need. Even when caregivers are present - he will try to demand that she be the one that takes care of him. When I moved them into my home it was a result of my fear that my mom would wear herself out. She was losing her eyesight, exhausted and weighed 89 pounds. The long term plan was for them to move to a retirement community - but once they moved into my home - he decided that this was a really good deal. I understand that my mother has real responsibility in letting this go on for 68 years - but it is hard to stand by and let him grind her down. Little did I know that in just 3 years, he would suck the life out of both of us. So obligation and fear for my mom is at the root of all of this. Perhaps it is this generation that feels that a woman is to sacrifice her well-being and own health for her husband and the husband expects it. I have seen this with a number of their brothers or sisters. Or it could be that that this family is just one big dysfunctional family. I am hanging in there and getting help.
I appreciate your comments and support.
Please make some changes and look after you!
sunflo2 - you have made the right decision. It is sad. Eventually your mum will have to chose one of the options available to her.
Both of you - take care ((((((hugs)))) Joan
I suggest you hire an elder care consultant, get a referral from local senior center or senior services in your area. Also speak with parents doctors and enlist his help in helping your parents understand the skilled care needs and that you can no longer provide.
Hopefully the elder advisor will do an independent evaluation and can be a mediator in this. Your parents will still balk but at least you have an independent opinion who won't have bias.
I know you are doing all you can and hopefully have visited some nice nearby places that can meet your parents needs. Their other option is to move out to their own place and hire in-home care or a live in.
I wish you luck. This is a hard situation that so many get involved in. I have learned tremendously thru this site and that is the very reason I have let my mom know that I love her and will help, but can't take her in. That she has options to hire skilled assistance to come to her home or move to AL or memory care. She has refused both.
It's a sad situation, but I refuse to quit my job and uproot family to care for her. I know that I won't have the skill set to manage her health in the long term.