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Since you're siblings sharing the responsibility, I guess he assumes you're supposed to be "on call." No matter how far you live. ... Well, it doesn't work that way.
To be on the same page you have to read from the same page. If he wants to "paint the town" or handle some other business until the wee hours of the morning, the RESPECTFUL thing to do is to give you the heads up well in advance.
And don't apologize. ... You're just asking for what's fair.
I will tell you that I have sat in the car in the driveway after coming home from the shops or an errand, for ages and ages, trying to drag up the energy to come back in the house and face it all again. There is a very real heaviness that sets in as you come back home and walk back into the energy all over again.
I have one sibling who could be here in minutes and stay as long as needed. The other has little time for anyone but herself and needs several days' notice and exact time she is to be here and leave....and I mean exact on both ends!'
I found it best to have a hired nurse scheduled for regular time away from home be it a few hours each week or a 2 week vacation. Siblings/family could be prone to having something come up and you are left hanging. I do understand not everyone is able to have hired help and need full cooperation of siblings/family to prevent burnout.
So, yes, brother should really give you more notice. But I'd cut him lots of slack on the "shoulds" of polite society. Fulltime caregiving deserves some special allowances.
Whether he does this twice a month or four times a week would make some difference. Could you give us a more complete picture?
I agree with the posters who suggest a regular schedule for you take over the caregiving. Do you do that? Caregiver burnout is a very real phenomenon, and if it occurs it is a real disaster for the entire family. One of the best ways to prevent this is regular respite.
I have been caring for my mom for nearly 18 months. In that time, I have had about 10 weekends to do what I wanted, and a two week respite in August. Since August I have had one weekend where I could get away. Maybe you could suggest hiring a caregiver to stay with mom if you are unable to. The primary caregiver is making a tremendous sacrifice in his life, especially if he doesn't have another job.
Good luck!