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If your siblings think this is so amusing, they need to take their turn caring for her. If they aren't willing to do that, then they need to back you in making this change.
Good luck - you will need to stand firm. But let everyone know your health is threatened by the current situation and you need to get some rest. You can make sure everyone knows you will visit your mom, and that you expect them to do the same.
Carol
Jennie, dealing with a manipulator and thinking you have to put up with her sick behavior, and with the mocking of other family members, is beyond unacceptable.
I am moving my Mother this Sunday into a residential care home, as Lilliput has described. It is a house in a regular neighborhood with 5-6 other similar people with their own rooms and live-in caregivers. My Mother was in one after her husband died 3 years ago, but was over-medicated and the head CG was a yeller. I got her out, brought her into our home and started the journey of caring for her 24/7, with 2 good caregivers during the day. We got her off of unnecessary medications and after 9 months, she is more alert, but also more demanding and everyone is exhausted from her needing 1 on 1 attention every waking minute. Who can do it? What about everyone else?
Being in this position of caring for my Mother has been an eye opener: I realize that growing up, all she provided was food, shelter and clothing in the way of basic needs. I continued to seek, through my own natural will to survive and thrive, to find my own way. So, I am a late bloomer, but I have a broader perspective and gave my children what I did not receive: nurturing, affection and encouragement. That is what a parent is supposed to do. Isn't that what you do when you love and cherish something beyond yourself? That is a fact, and what they dole out is not love of others, but a sick, self-concern. Please find a nice place and enjoy your life with your husband. God Help Us All.
And as Carol mentioned above, you have to protect your health. People here used to say that to me long ago and I thought I could do it all. Three years later, I have hit the wall and my health is suffering for it.
Today, call around to facilities that specialize in Alz/Dem care. There are so many nice ones now that look like homes instead of "facilities." Vist a few - you need to see for yourself that she will be cared for.
If the family protests, ask them to "rotate" taking care of Mom. I doubt you will have any "takers." At the very least look into in-home care or adult daycare so you and your hub can get a break.
You posted in this forum because you need to make a change. Start today.
Next time she asks if you want her to leave say "yes" and start the dialogue. Go out and get brochures of nearby facilities and have them ready to show her. It is time you reclaim your life. You can honor your Father's wishes by finding a good place for your Mother.
Yet, I am not willing anymore to sacrifice my own well-being, my husband's privacy in his refuge, and our freedom as middle life adults with a lot of living and working to do. Tough but loving choices are painful.
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