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I would call social services NOW ! Although this could get ugly fast, what if someone accuses YOU of abuse since she is with you now? I recognize the issues with dementia, my mom has it and is getting more paranoid by the day. Please, DO NOT let your dad be alone with your mom until this is sorted out. Abuse is abuse. There is no excuse. No exceptions. Ever.
Good luck..
Kim(caremom1)
p.s. I know what I'm talking about. I have a family member who we suspect hit his spouse and killed her.They were both elderly. it has divided the family for the last 30 years.
You stated you "just" moved in to help with Mom. If you are not familar with Alzheimer's you may not be seeing the 'whole picture.' Your father may be dealing with situations poorly and just need additional information and support to help him care for his wife. She may NOT recognize him as her husband anymore, and may think she is being help captive by a stranger! Hard to believe that it can happen, but it does!
To keep an eye on Mom and dady, you can get a small wireless granny cam and since you are in the same house, you can actually do this with little if any effort. x10 has dozens of low cost wireless cameras that you can get for under $100.00 They also have 'packages' that include 3 or 4 cameras and everything else you would need to keep an 'eye' on several areas of the house or even outside. Worth EVERY penny, and you can tape the proceedings too using a vcr setup, or even to your computer.
Also.. there is a great free book that you can get for your father (and your family) that will help all of you understand the 'Alzheimer's experience' Coach Broyles Playbook can be read online, downloaded, or even received in printed copy (for a small fee perhaps).
WORTH a read by anyone dealing with Alzheimer's. Of course, there are many other books/resources online or in the library that will help you too.
One other point I would make is that if you father isn't in the early stages of Alzheimer's himself, it sounds like he is most likely suffering from 'caregiver's syndrome'. The stress and daily physical drains on him may be affecting his 'judgement and patience'. It's good that you will be there to help him.
This personal story about me and my mother who was half my size may help put things in perspective: while at the grocery store my mother would walk up to a stranger and tell them that she didn't have anything to eat ALL week!!! Now.. who do you think they would believe, a tiny little old lady, or her 'healthy' daughter twice her size. Well to dissuade them from thinking that "I" would not feed my mother I carried my small camera with me and could literally produce a picture of every meal my mother ate, AS she was eating! Lord have mercy if they would have thought I was starving her!
Of course I am not saying that there isn't the possibility OF abuse, but again like all others have stated here... procedure with caution and with some evidence that confirms your worst suspicions. I truly hope this is not the case!!
I am sure that this situation has many many sides to it. God bless you to find the truth.
Not really sure of what is happening in this situation. Do you think your father locked her into the "smaller part" of the house to keep her from wandering? MB that was his way of helping keep her safe? Aside from this what other evindence ie.. bruises, cuts, verbal abuse? Is your father maniputive or mean spirited? Is this a new situation with your mother and your father or is this something he is used to handling? Please ensure your mother's safety, but try and look at the situation from your dad's eyes. He may not know how to deal with these new developments.Please let us know how things work out. Best wishes my dear! SD
For pete's sake, most still point and shoot digital cameras have video function built in now. Get a large enough memory card. Borrow one for a week. This has to be sorted out before the agencies are called in and there are all sorts of misunderstandings. Your father could be unjustly accused, or worse he could actually be guilty and the law gives him the benefit of the doubt.
Alzheimer's folks are known for being paranoid. My mother would blurt out with "well just kill me then." (Shortly after asking me to "just let her go, I've lived long enough.") Luckily (ugh) that attitude and behavior was caused by Ativan, the drug typically Rx'd to stop paranoid behavior. It was CAUSING it. Gimme a break.
I will try to gather more evidence, I'm not sure how I could videotape any of it, but I could probably audiotape it.
Again, thanks for the help!
They have people who are experienced in dealing with just this kind of problem and will guide you in resolving it in the best interests of all concerned. It is extremely important to keep all family members in the same tent when dealing with Alzheimer's patients.
Confirm your suspicions first. if you get the authorities involved, you could end up with the county suing for conservatorship of estate and person, and you can kiss overall supervision of your mother goodbye. As they did with my sisters financial abuse, the county just ignored it and pressed no charges nor asked for them to pay back. "it isn't worth it..." ...to ME it was worth it cause they loosened unrepentant thieves on me.
And it could be your father "just" is frustrated and loses temper. Snaps at her cause she's so stupid and can't she do anything any more. that can probably managed.
If there is abuse, you certainly want to stop it.
But you also want to be sure and get as much information as you can before accusing. This is always a very difficult situation. You said "we" suspect. Who is the other person? It is good to have insight from others - hopefully you two can talk about it and help each other make a good decision. Good luck.