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For anyone else providing full-time care for a parent or thinking about doing so, Ellabella's situation provides a cautionary lesson. Providing such care is obviously time-consuming, usually difficult and tiring, and often life-changing for both you and your family. Sometimes, perhaps more often than not, siblings who provide little or no hands-on help, seem to have more interest in your parents' finances than in their physical/mental conditions (let alone in the sibling-caregiver's physical and mental conditions). So, in hindsight, my general advice before embarking on a caregiving journey with a parent is to put a care plan in writing and update it as frequently as conditions change. Such care plans should include what services will be provided (personal care, bookkeeping, etc.) and what expenses will be paid from the parent's income or assets. (Depending on circumstances, there is nothing inherently wrong if such parental expenses include payments to the caregiver for rent, food, utilities, time, etc.) Care plans should be developed with opportunity for input from all siblings and parents who are willing and able to provide input. Having and following a caregiver plan, along with keeping all receipts and financial and medical records, may help alleviate future sibling concerns, as well as become invaluable should your parent eventually need government financial assistance for long-term care. If your siblings begin to cause problems in spite of your best efforts, either before or after you decide to become the primary caregiver, then you may need a professional family mediator's help. Ultimately, if sibling problems persist, it may be advisable to petition the court to become your parent's guardian and/or conservator.
As a final thought, living revocable trusts, as valuable as they sometimes can be, are not a necessary or complete solution to your parent's possible future need for a family care-giver. In fact, such trusts, especially those created without prior knowledge by all family members, as in my experience, can create more problems than they prevent and can put at risk the provision of the best care for your parent. Just one example, trust creations may include granting financial and medical durable power of attorney (DPOA) to one or more siblings who do not become the primary caregiver. If the person with DPOA does not work well with the caregiver, the caregiver's stress will likely increase and the parent's care might suffer.