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It is selfish but this situation could go on for years more and we just do not have it in us to do this anymore. the needs of the entire family need to be looked at, not just two 94 year old people who enjoyed very healthy good lives. So things now might not be to their liking but it’s the price they have to pay. We all have our needs, not just them.
They never had a plan unfortunately. I wish they had sold their home years ago and went into AL when they could have. But nothing to be done about this now.
We looked at a care home where they could have been together. He just did not want that much time with her. She had become terribly confused and would become so angry.
While shopping for a place them sharing may be possible, but that could change very quickly if it just doesn't work out. Staff is responsible for keeping all residents safe.
Keeping them together for financial reasons should not be a consideration. They each need their own levels of care.
I can't think of other ideas for you, but hope others will have some. Sure wish you good luck.
Ask the advisors on the right of your screen if they know of a board and care residence that may be able to accommodate your folks.
Best of luck to you
the choice typically is the person with dementia moves into the AL and the spouse can continue caring for the one with dementia with help from the AL staff. When that becomes unmanageable or dangerous then either both can move to Memory Care or the one with dementia moves to MC and the other retains residence in AL.
OR
They both start in Memory Care and the one without dementia can come and go either leaving their spouse in the care of the MC staff or they can take the spouse out for a time as long as it is safe for them to do so.
From your description I see no reason why both could not be in the same apartment in AL.
I do not do this often but...use the services of the site you are on. Click the box for the "Care Advisor" and see what they come up with.
I'd say the same thing in yiur parents' case that I told the OP. The man at the meeting should move his wife into the MC section of the AL facility.
He can spend all day with her then at night she can be sedated so she can't wander around all night long.
AL is outrageously expensive and no one gets a break on the cost if they hire their own private help.
They cannot live together in a facility. It would not be in anyone's best interests for there to be a round-the-clock aide care hired at the AL to care for your parent with dementia in addition to them both paying to be in AL. No one gets a break on the AL or NH bill when they're hiring their own private help.
Put them both into a facility that is AL and memory care. They cannot live together. They can spend all day together. Then when it's bedtime the parent with dementia could benefit from sedation if they get agitated and roam all night.
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