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I had so many questions and was driving myself crazy with the 'what ifs' after my grandpa died. I agree with GardenArtist that therapy will help you to heal and be able to make peace with your father's death.
There are also grief support groups in most major metro areas. I would reach out to them as well. You need as much support and counseling as possible right now.
It sounds like you and your dad were very close, and I'm sure he would not want you to beat yourself up over the 'what ifs'. He would likely want you to take care of yourself and know that he is at peace now.
Sure, grief can manifest itself in different ways. It's a challenge for anyone for work through post-death grief, but dwelling on a particular issue, one over which you had no control, really doesn't help you get past the loss of your father.
In the long run, how would an alternate notification have helped you? As some of us mentioned, sometimes people who are dying don't want their family to be around; they want to spare family members from the grief of seeing a loved one pass. And who knows what else they may feel? We'll really never know.