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If so, you really need to alert her doc and have her tested for a Urinary Tract Infection, which can cause these kinds of behavioral disturbances in the elderly.
Once you've ruled out a UTI, you can consider having her see a geriatric psychiatrist. But I'd have her tested today if possible.
But also, have a chat with the staff who have most to do with her and ask them if they've noticed any changes in her, too. How long has she been living in her facility?
I really don't know what you're supposed to say to anyone who tells you your hair looks horrible! But there's an exchange in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" when Hugh Grant greets his friend, James Fleet, and adds "disastrous haircut, by the way" and James replies "oh, yes, thanks" - so perhaps seeing the funny side and not taking it to heart is the only answer.
The fundraiser skipping and then not remembering that you and daughter were there incident is more of a worry. She must have been pretty out it, hm, even if it wasn't obvious at the time. But, yes, a u.t.i. could still be the culprit, so let's rule that out first.
She is already placed and safe so that isn't as much of a factor and maybe reassuring her that she's just getting older, forgetting or using ques from you to remember something is perfectly normal, "I'm always forgetting where I put my keys!" will help. You don't want her hiding symptoms either you want her comfortable sharing her fears/experiences with you and just being herself. You also need to find a way to not take her outbursts so personally, are they scary and difficult for you, of course they are and they probably are for her too but these behaviors aren't in her control either (which she may be aware of, very scary for her) so they aren't about you. You can however often times help her prevent or temper them by not fighting back and trying to see things from her frighted perspective, engaging in the heated behavior, the fighting or tantrum which is the natural automatic response for all of us, I have found get's me nowhere and leaves us both pissed off, upset with nothing resolved. If I can see it coming and swallow my instinct I can often circumvent the drama even though it often means not accomplishing what I planned or needed too. So for instance quick before she stormed off "Oh I'm sorry Mom, I thought I invited you to join us, I must have misunderstood thinking you heard me and was saying you didn't feel like going. What were you telling me? (maybe if it seems appropriate and she seems like a distraction from the heated topic at hand could work) sometimes giving them something else to focus on totally diffuses things, sometimes not. You obviously care about her very much, you will learn the ques.
I would also echo the suggestion's to have her tested for UTI, you never know while even finding one may not negate the possibility of cognitive decline (still get that neuro-psyc eval done) treating it will make a difference in her behavior. Good luck, my thoughts are with you as I know how tough this is and how much of a tough experiential learning process it can be as well. I hope you know and can keep in mind that you aren't alone.
Some people get very mean... and don't forget, they probably know they are losing control.. and that is difficult to process... I will probably be in the same boat. ... sadly...
Hope i can be somewhat in a happy state.
So keep your visits short and minimal... Don't make them try on clothes... I did this once, my mom yelled and screamed at me.. the clerk came in and asked if she could help. she saw us walk in.... so she knew....
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