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It makes no sense to me that you'd rather clean up a body and clothing that's saturated with urine than to face reality and get your mother properly clothed in adult incontinence products. It's part of what you signed up for when taking her into your home to live with you. It's not pleasant, but it's easier to change Depends than it is to change soaking wet clothing! Not to mention, it's healthier and more hygienic for her and your entire household. Nobody should be sitting in wet clothing on furniture all day long.
"Telling your mom" anything is not going to register with her. Dementia robs a person of their reasoning skills and no matter how many times you tell them something, it doesn't get thru. I got my 80th call this morning from the memory care AL where my mother lives. She was 'getting up to go to work' this morning and fell out of bed, yet again, b/c she doesn't remember that she can't walk. So she's fallen 80x already and soon, I'll be getting the 81st call on the same matter. She hasn't gotten hurt yet, which is a miracle in and of itself, but it's only a matter of time before that changes, too. At almost 95 years old, sooner or later, she's going to break a bone in one of these falls.
Stop trying to use logic with dementia, and stop trying to ward off the inevitable with your mother. Learn all you can about dementia so you know what you're dealing with. Knowledge is power.
I have told my mom's story many times in my earlier posts, so I didn't mention it again here. Maybe that accounts for some of the snarkiness in this thread. People don't know the background, so they assume the worst...whatever...I'm ignoring the rudeness and choosing to focus on the many helpful tips most of you have given me. I have POA for mom.
Has she ever had a cognitive/memory test by her doctor? If not I think this is the second step you need to take (and also to discount that she's having a different problem, like UTI, thyroid, over- or under-medicating, diabetes, etc).
The first thing I'd do is to find out if she has an assigned DPoA to take care of her medical and financial affairs when she is no longer able. If she doesn't have this, I strongly recommend you try to encourage her (not force her) to do this, and you'll need to help her get it done. You can read up on what this entails on other topics on this forum, and why it's important for her to give this legal authority for someone.
The reason why the diagnosis comes second is because if a PoA is created after someone is diagnosed, it can be contested (and mostly by contentious siblings or other family members). But an actual diagnosis will give you better guidance as to how to help her, like if she can benefit from certain meds, etc.
I'm so sorry you are coming to the realization that your mom is now less able to help herself and you are working and maybe even have a family as well. FYI you and your family are a priority over your mom -- if you don't get this order correct you will burn out and then everyone will suffer in some way. Please take care of yourself. For a while you'll feel like you're drinking from a firehose. Teepa Snow has some very good videos on YouTube so that you can learn about dementia and ways to make working with your mom easier through understanding the disease and how it impacts her abilities, and what behaviors it causes her to have. Her brain is broken and she can't help it. If you step up for her please do it being as fully informed as possible. This forum is a wealth of info so search for your questions to get lots of helpful answers.
You can remove all her cloth undies and replace them with adult incontinence ones so she doesn't have a choice but to wear those (if she even realizes she needs a fresh one).
I wish you much clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you help your mom!
Your furniture will be getting peed on. So will your rugs if you have any. Then the whole house stinks of piss and there's nothing you can do about it except tear up the carpeting and throw away the furniture.
Take some precautions now. Put your mother in pull-ups. Get protective covers for the furniture so it doesn't get ruined. Furniture is expensive. If your money is tight can you afford to spend a fortune on new furniture and carpets?
No one wants to see their parents or anyone they love go into diapers. You love your mom, so bite the bullet and do what must be done. It will be better for her too because if she's sitting in piss soaked clothes, she's going to get a UTI. Wearing a pull-up is better than getting a UTI. Good luck.
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