By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I wouldn't even want nurse's aides taking care of me and don't want to be here if I can't eat, dress or go to the bathroom myself. I didn't have kids in order not to pass on my family's dysfunction and genetics. My mother has NPD--our connection and the whole family has been strangulated by her mental illness.
You sound like a considerate, depthful person--your friends and family must feel lucky to have you in their lives.
My sister has said many times how she won't ever let her daughter take care of her. And I don't have any children, so there's that. We're both in the situation where we always lived paycheck to paycheck with only what we'll inherit from the mother we're taking care of for retirement. Well, except for Social Security which will probably be bankrupt since there will be so dang many baby boomers receiving those government dollars. Too bad I wasn't smart enough to invest in assistant living facilities.
My mother only asked that we find her care. She and dad saved religiously because they ended up having to do hands on care for all their elders in the days before there were alternatives. Quite frankly, having grandma live with us was a terrible experience. More for my mom than for us, but not good for us at all.
I have 5 great kids, Just beyond stellar and all 5 have said I can live with them if needed. What a sweet and stupid gesture. (They're seeing an active busy 62 yo who still babysits all the time!) and I know that I am getting older--this year along was awful and I look at pics of myself from 1 year ago and I can't believe how much I have aged. DH had a terrible year with his health, and I was right there for every single thing. I am still anxious beyond belief when I see him looking under the weather or sleeping too much...or just aging himself.
We have a plan, we have savings and investments, but we still live in fear ( a little, not a lot) that we won't be OK financially to the end.
I don't want my kids doing any more for me than maybe going to lunch with me or hauling me along to Disneyland.
Best laid plans, right?
I do not know why the 'greatest generation' seems to be rife with narcissists. Maybe that's a sweeping statement, but this board seems to really touch a nerve with a lot of people who are feeling the stress of a difficult parent or two.
My own DH offered me $100 to go with him to visit his (very difficult) mother last week. I told him I can get my own $100 and call one of the grandkids. He blames his non-existent relation ship with his mom on me. Whatever.
I have good relationships with all the kids. I think it's sweet all 5 would 'take me in' (they won't take their dad--but he doesn't know that)...and I think if were EOL and I was in hospice, I might take them up on it.
I just have so many bad feelings about my mother moving in with my very manipulative brother. 22 years and she is miserable, but in sort of a Stockholm syndrome kind of way. She 'hates' him, but if you offer to DO anything that HE wants to do, you get shot down. SMH.
I can only think he is 'getting back at her' for a lifetime of crappy mothering. There is zero in this for him.
If you own a home, realize that as your savings are depleted, you really won't be able to maintain it. (What if the air conditioner dies, or it's time for a new roof?) Again, talk to your daughter. Who knows, maybe she is interested in rental property and would be willing to buy it and rent it back to you! If not, be ready to sell before it starts getting run down, so that you get the most for it, and the funds can be used for your care.
With few assets, you do stand a good chance of needing Medicaid if you have to go into a nursing home. So figure out what will be needed to qualify, and make sure you keep all your ducks in a row. That way, your daughter will not be digging through shoeboxes trying to find five years of bank statements.
Research all the services that may be available in your area before you need them, and understand what asset and income limits are required to qualify for them. Make a big binder of information, and share it with your daughter.
I am assuming that you currently have a good relationship with your daughter. Be honest with her about what caring for your own mother has taken out of you, and that you do not wish for her to go through this, but that you may need her help with paperwork and coordination if at some point you do need care.
(If you end up in the hospital, she is probably going to get called. She needs to know what to say when the hospital pressures her to take you into her home, which they may well do. If you're not both on the same page, you may find that everything you are trying to avoid, ends up happening if the hospital discharges you into her care.)
Good luck, and good job for thinking about this sooner rather than later.
Now Mom. Sounds like you may have the same problem that a lot have here, a narcissistic Mom. You are not obligated to give up your life for a parent. You also don't give up ur financial future for them. If you can't afford to help, you don't do it. There r services out there to help them. Senior housing where rent is based on income.
If you want to vent about her, go ahead. Pretty sure a lot will chime in.