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My narcissistic mother lives on my property and I have had wavered between very low contact and no contact due to her abuse. She needs help both physically and mentally. She is on Medicaid and eligible for home aides but there are none available in our rural area. I’m not POA or guardian. So my question is, would calling APS offer any other resources that she is not already getting through her caseworker? Her caseworker says she is not yet eligible for assisted living. But my mother has reached absolute desperation with no caregiver and has threatened me in several ways. Just not sure if I should ignore it and hope the caseworker takes action or if I should notify APS.
(The living situation is complicated because we built her a cottage on our property and gave her a life estate, meaning she can stay there until she chooses to leave or dies. I got so angry at her last week that I told her I want her off our property. But I think my hands are tied at the moment. I have a call in to an attorney to find out what can be done.)

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APS can certainly expediate your mother getting the services she needs because they will put pressure on her caseworker to do their job.

Yes, you gave her a life estate and it's stipulated that she can stay in her cottage until she dies or chooses to leave. That does not mean you have to be her caregiver. Or allow her to make threats and behave abusively to you. Call the police when she starts up with the threats. You are for all practical purposes, her landlord.

You don't have her POA, so you're not responsible for her. In fact, you don't even have to let her in your house or onto the surrounding property of your estate. Her 'property' is the cottage. Not the land it's on or whatever other structures you have on it. If she goes outside her cottage, that would be trespassing.

Don't play her games or allow her to threaten you. Don't do anything for her. Nothing at all. Call APS and tell them she's a vulnerable elder who desperately needs help and that you have no legal authority. Also tell them that she threatens you. They will respond. If they don't, call the police every time she makes a threat. The police will certainly put a fire under APS to act.
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Missmypeace Nov 19, 2024
Thank you for your suggestions. I ended up calling the APS hotline and they connected me with a DHS caseworker in my county. He was wonderful to talk to. He totally understood the situation and said I have absolutely no legal obligation to care for her. Which I knew, but it was reassuring to hear from him. He said there is nothing to indicate she even needs a home assessment because there is no abuse or neglect and she just sounds like a very manipulative person who wants my attention and isn’t getting it. His only suggestion is to see what I can do legally about eviction and get her moved to senior housing where she can get more care.
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I would call APS and ask THEM this question. This WILL come to a head. She will have an accident and there will be hospitalization, diagnosis, and likely placement for being unable to return home without are. I would NOT become POA or guardian. I would allow the state to take that on. Know that she is out of your hands at that point, but also out of your control; you cannot at that point make any decisions regarding her, her assets, her placement (when and where) or her treatment.

Best to you and wishing you the best of luck as well.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Missmypeace Nov 19, 2024
Thank you. I had read on this forum about an unsafe discharge from that kind of scenario. So I do keep that in the back of my mind. She has major health anxiety and the thing that is driving her absolute crazy about me stepping away is that no one checks on her. So if something serious happened, no one would know because we are in a rural area. Though my dad lives next door to he and keeps an eye out for any major change of routine. She does have an Apple Watch with fall detection though.
I did call APS yesterday and there is really nothing they can do to help me. More info in reply to burntcaregiver..
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