Is it important to become a guardian of a parent with dementia?
So for those interested in how things may progress or not progress in the pursuit to be a guardian of a parent with dementia, here are our recent events. Our first hearing was postponed because mom claimed she never got her papers in the mail from the lawyer. Our second hearing stopped and bound over for trial because mom contested the hearing. She actually didn't contest on her own, she was just so confused I think the judge came to the conclusion it was best not to proceed. In the meantime we were not given a chance to speak at all, and no consideration was given to mom living alone or her safety. Now we wait, and think about if we want a trial. We have taken a step back and mom is battling her demons on her own. She calls multiple times a day with her delusions and hallucinations, but told the judge she doesn't want us or need us in her home. I am learning how not to respond to each of these calls, as so far they have not been emergencies. Neighbors called the police and they checked on her once recently. I used to respond or have someone respond to every problem. We call each day, and one of us would stop in daily, but we have stopped. We plan to stop in once or twice a week. Do we even need guardianship? I am beginning to question this. I want it to provide safety for her. Do I need Conservatorship? I want it to protect her accounts and make sure there is money for her care in the future, and to protect her from fraud and becoming a victim. But do I really need this? Is it worth fighting for. I am so very tired.
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The problem with going the court route is if ANYONE contests it, including those you are trying to protect - you have seen so far how the courts have delayed. If the principal(s) contest, the courts will assign them their own attorney. All this will cost a LOT of money, but hopefully the result will be safety for your parent(s) and their assets. The other downside to guardianship and stewardship is that you must provide regular reports to the court, so that they are assured you are not abusing the assets/person.
DPOA reporting is not required, but other family members might want to be involved to at least know what is going on. Keeping records, especially using non-cash methods for payments, can provide you with the means to satisfy them.
In your case it sounds like mom is probably too far over the edge to be considered capable of signing paperwork for DPOA and trust, so you will have to go the court route if she is a danger to herself, physically and/or financially. Have you brought in anyone to assess her, such as her doctor or APS? If you have an outside opinion documenting that she should be protected, you could probably get the courts to agree without a trial.... maybe... worth a shot.
In our situation DPOA was enough to look after my mother and the details of her life.
The only time guardianship was considered was when my mom was first placed in a nursing home. Mom was less than thrilled with this placement. In the beginning, on a couple of occasions mom attempted to make a break for it - but couldn't make it to the front door. Mom also tried to talk a few of her friends into busting her out of the nursing home - which never even came close to fruition. Had either of these things become an actual real threat, I was prepared to seek guardianship. Thank goodness I never needed to.
Has the court appointed a Guardian ad Litem to represent your mother's interests? It might help if this were done. In my mother's case, the Guardian ad Litem interviewed my mother, and even though she was an attorney and not a doctor, the judge accepted her determination that my mother was pleasantly but clearly out of touch with reality. Your attorney could request that the court appoint such a guardian.
In the meantime, it is important that you document each of your mother's phone calls, the visits you make and what you observe, and any calls from neighbors or wellness checks conducted by the police. They can all provide excellent evidence to be weighed by a court.
If you are appointed as medical guardian, be sure to talk to any healthcare providers your mother sees. Let them know that you want to be informed of any care or medication changes before they are made.
In the meantime, try to rest. Try to carve out some "you" time every day. I hope you're about to regain some energy.
You state first you are tired, and only have her safety in mind, and also the money issue. I would suggest forgetting all the court issues-if you think this is bad, just wait until you get guardianship and MUST perform. Take a deep breath and have a talk with their doctor, who, if the situation is as you describe, probably will suggest placement in a dementia unit. Then they will be safe and you will not have to deal with the mountains of paperwork for Medicare/medicaid. The money will be spent so that will not be an issue trying to save it. You can enjoy life and your loved one with much less stress than you have now. Best of luck to you whatever your decision.