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Don't fill in the blanks with help, if she falls she will have to call 911, don't buy her groceries, no making her doctor's appointments, back off.
Guilt is a self-imposed emotion that will keep you stuck, you have nothing to be guilty about.
With her issues she needs to be in AL. As for you offering her to move in with you...what the heck were you thinking?
If you stand firm she will be forced to move back into AL as she will be unable to care for herself.
Don't play her games and whatever you do DON'T LET HER MOVE IN WITH YOU!!!
Usually when the moving around, fussiness, and there's no pleasing the person it's because they really want to live with their adult children.
Let her go back to her apartment. Let her insist that she can do her grocery shopping and live independently.
When her own fussiness and stubbornness blows up in her face (and it will), you and your siblings don't go running to save her and clean up her messes.
She needs to be in AL and the only way she's going to go and be serious about it is if you and your siblings don't go around behind her propping up a false independence.
Welcome into (or back into) the Awaiting a Crises Club.
We understand your frustration. We are with you, support you and are cheering you on to do what is best for you!
Don’t fall for her tactics. Hopefully, she will see for herself that it isn’t feasible to live independently anymore.
I think stepping back is the way to handle this.
You helping her gives her the illusion that she is independent.
Do not help her pack up.
Do not help her unpack.
When she calls and asks for help tell her that you are busy.
When she calls and asks to be taken to the store...you have an appointment to get your hair done.
I have the feeling that when you do not help her pack for the movers she just might change her mind. (hopefully management will let her remain in her apartment.
You are not 'abandoning her. You are letting her do what she thinks she wants because she thinks she is more independent than she is.
Since she is deemed to be in sound mind, step back and let her make her own decisions even if they are bad ones. It takes some practice, but sometimes you just have to present a deaf ear to these tantrums. You've done all you can do at this point. I know, easier said than done.
(1) If you plan on totally walking away, then that works.
(2) But if you’re planning on still helping (a little), then whatever bad decisions she makes WILL land on you.
I fit in category (2). So I forced some decisions, not asking permission. It’s worked out. And potential bad decisions with bad consequences for me, were avoided.