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Nothing wrong with telling your son what all is going on. It might help him to understand a bit better. And maybe you will get some moral support that you so badly need.
Are you trying to cater to son's needs and schedule? You can no longer do that, it is all about your hubby now. Son has to understand that and so do you.
Your son can’t really be expected to offer support if he thinks life for you is moving on as it always has. Unless he has a clearer perspective on how you’re living he has no way to reasonably decide if and how much he can do to help you more.
‘My heart goes out to you. Hugs!
Your son is interested in you and does care about you, but he is not a mind-reader and not he nor anyone else can grasp what full-on caregiving is like unless somebody explains! - so now you have, and that's good. It's a new *start*.
How did son respond to your email?
That way, if they choose to help, they can either ask what they can do or simply show up and help out. In fairness, I have asked very little of them and they have no idea how sick I have been.
My kids have been so disappointing in helping me with my bout of cancer. My son has just ignored me completely, and my daughters are all busy with small kids and jobs and such. They are under the VERY false illusion that their dad was helping and he has done next to nothing.
I'm far from bedridden, I'm just trying to recover from 6 months of chemo. My son expects me to show up for Thanksgiving for a week and when his dad or I say I am kind of really sick, he says "Oh, playing with the kids will be so fun for you!" Honestly, his kids won't put down their phones to talk to us.
But I do keep them up to date, so they can't say they didn't KNOW. Someday when they themselves have stuff like this to go through, they grow up and 'get it'.
And I have really good kids---I think I'm not unusual in this. Mom is ALWAYS healthy and in charge and putting everything together. They still don't 'get' how hard this has been, and how incredibly depressed I am.
Trying to learn how to take care of myself--I'm 63 and have never put myself first. It's a hard learning curve!
I am sorry that your husband is suffering. Hard for you and your husband to be dealing with this. How are you coping? Do you have any help? Can you contact Council on Aging to help?
How long has your husband been suffering? If you only recently told him give him a chance to process it. He is busy with his life, his wife, children, job, etc. Share your feelings and thoughts. If you have a good relationship, I am sure that he would want to know your situation.
Maybe they could bring takeout so it is easier for you and gives you a bit of a break, instead of more work feeding all them.
One thing I know for sure, I am willing to help if I am asked. Being told everything is fine, what do you help with?
I hope that you can get some help for caring for your husband. I am sorry that you are going through this, ask for help and be open, it will help your stress.
Hugs!
Dropping the worst on your son and family in an email, pretty well out of the blue, could well come across as a criticism for him not knowing and not helping. Let them come, so they know and they find out how to help on the spot.
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