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How long do you think it will be before you are so exhausted, so desperate, so physically and emotionally depleted, that you realize that finding her the best residential care you can locate, and visiting her as often as you want to, maybe even for a brief stop-by visit every day, is really better for you BOTH than what you’re doing now?
If you “wanna cry” now, consider how you’ll feel after years of this, and worse.
Good caregiving requires balance, and right now, the balance is disrupted by something neither of you can control or manage. Her weight alone is unmanageable for a caregiver to attempt to take on, much less her loss of bladder control.
If you won’t consider placement now, at least begin your research about the placements available near you. Then you’ll have a sense of confidence when/if her care needs exceed your ability to continue.
Please continue to consider “balance”. What do YOU need to continue caring for her in a way that’s loving and safe for BOTH of you?
It’s heartbreaking to hear how this is affecting you-looking into AL now is a great suggestion as, most likely, you’ll need to act on moving her at some point. So many have waitlists too-putting her on lists doesn’t commit you but you may be ready when a room becomes available. The resentment that’s building can only go on so long-it’s not good for either of you.
Best wishes as you find your way.
https://wellnessbriefs.com/
Maybe you can find some info whether it would be suitable for you. Sorry I dont have any particulars about this device as my mom had a stroke while she was admitted to the hospital and only came home for a week of hospice care to be with family when she passed.
She had her 95th birthday while she was at a rehab facility. The stroke left her very much disabled and she just didnt have the strength or desire to keep fighting. I miss her a lot.
Charlotte
They are not good unless the patient is in bed , unless there are recent changes.
It doesn't sound like those pads are doing much for her. I would think they are likely going to bunch up, esp given her weight. When I tried using them for monthly needs, mine would tend to get "pinched" in the middle, potentially leading to leakage with that too, and I wasn't even half your mother's weight! If they are for monthly cycles, they probably have a different absorbency criteria. If they are for incontinence, they are probably designed more for a little leakage, not full on flow. The pads and briefs also vary in absorbency like Max, Ultra, Overnight, etc. You might want to try various ones, brand and absorbency, to see which works best.
A toileting schedule might help as well. Going on a regular cycle will reduce how much she would have if she has an "accident."
When we switched mom to adult briefs, the aide and I just removed all her undies and replaced them with the briefs. We did use incontinence pads inserted into the briefs at night before bed.
Definitely give the briefs (try various ones, to see which work best) a try, and work on getting a toilet schedule going.
As for the strong odor, perhaps it's just part of aging, but I do find that urine tends to smell MUCH stronger when fluid intake is reduced. Encouraging sufficient fluid intake might help with the odor - beware not to go overboard as too much fluid can cause problems! The down side of drinking more is more urine, but with a schedule and briefs, it might work!
As others have noted, hopefully you have legal documents in place, so that you have them when you need them and are making plans for future care. As much as many, like you, don't want to put a LO into AL or MC, the downward spiral can become overwhelming, much more so than it is now. Her weight alone is concerning, as you could get seriously hurt yourself when trying to assist her. Even people trained to do it "right" can end up injured, At the least, you will want to hire help, to physically assist, but also give you time to attend to chores, shopping, cleaning, etc., AND time for yourself. You WILL need it. Meanwhile, even if now you don't plan on using a facility, at least check out those in your area, so that if the time ever comes that there is no other option, you won't be scrambling to figure it all out!
(HDIS was mentioned, but not explained what it is. Apparently they are distributors of various types/brands - if they are more expensive, why buy from them? I was able to order from WM and have them delivered for a reasonable price (meet minimum order cost and shipping is free.)
Good Luck!
Dianne
After posting this I read all the posts. Rather than referencing the brand depends I should have remembered all the other available brands of adult briefs.
Your demonstration for mom is not weird at all. It's brilliant.
Sometimes a person has to see for themselves why something doesn't work like they think it will.
I always suggested name-brand Depends, with a name-brand Poise pad lining it to all my clients who were incontinent or to their families. They cost a little bit more than an off brand does, but worth the extra money.