By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
In your profile you say your Mom is 51 years old, or do you mean that you are 51 years old. Were you employed prior to taking care of your Mom? If yes, I am thinking about all that lost salary, lost health insurance, and whatever other things your employer was offering to their employees.
If you are getting no pay for being a caregiver, how are you paying for your own health insurance, your clothes, personal care items, your car and fuel? Or are you digging into your savings which will eventually disappear depending on how long you are caring for your Mom. Who will care for you later down the road if your funds are gone?
Since you and your Mom are living together, she has once again taking the role of Mother of the household, and you are the Child. In her eyes you are the child and what do you know? That is so very common. My Mom was like that, too.
Tell Mom you are taking a much needed break, and that her PCA will be helping out. Mom has no choice in this matter when it comes to your own mental wellbeing.
I'm guessing you are living with her, why I don't know. I must be missing something here.
You are not responsible for your mom or any care she may require. You are only responsible for yourself(and any children you may have)so time to start living your life and start doing fun things that you enjoy. Mom will be just fine. And if she doesn't want to be left alone, tell her that she will have to pay for some outside help to come in and stay with her. Enough is enough. Sounds to me like mom is using you, and you're letting her.
Only you can make the changes necessary to improve your life, and I hope and pray that you will do so.
If the answer to the above questions is No (she is not bed bound, she is competent and she can provide for her meals), then you should be able to leave, just make sure the fridge is full and the phone # for the PCA is available to her.
If the answer is no, then no you can't just leave her alone without make provisions for her care. Contact Social Services; Area Council on Aging for resource helps.
Good luck - you do deserve time off.
It sounds harsh but if they are indeed competent to make their own decisions they still have that right no matter how ill advised.
So that's my big question. Is she still legally mentally competent to make those choices for herself?
I would just leave.
1st: is she *capable* or not? 2nd: is she *reasonable* or not? To my mind it hinges on these varients.
If *Capable* she has the right to make decisions for herself: inc good or bad decisions. Eg decide to allow or refuse her PCA.
If *Reasonable* once you spell it out clearly, she will understand you need time out, have your own needs too, your own life.
So if *Capable + Reasonable* she may not like it, but will accept the PCAs when required.
Mother does not have the right to insist YOU are her only carer. That would be *UNreasonable*.
If *Capable + Unreasonable*. Oh well. You go, she deals with the consequences of HER decisions. If she cancels her care - that is Self-Neglect.
But if *Not Capable* she will need someone in charge (an EPOA or Guardian). Then the responsibility is their's to arrange her care. Leaving someone alone who lacks the capability or means to get care would be Neglectful.
Does this make sense?
Basically, if it feels like you are being emotionally blackmailed - you probably are.
It is critical to arrange care for your mother whether she agrees or not. She cannot be left alone for any period of time. I know it has been very hard on you and I would feel the same way too if I was in your shoes. It's not fair and you are clearly burnt out. I would talk to a social worker and the PCA about her refusing care and see what additional options you have.
You deserve to have a break but I would insist on having someone stay with her.
Thinking of you, x