By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
We placed my MIL about 8 months ago, and the day it happened, my BIL said, sadly, "We should have done this 5 years ago".
She was routinely falling--like sometimes 3xs per day, whether someone was there or not, she still fell.
You have a set 'move in date'. Keep to it. Turn a deaf ear to the pleas that she can 'do it herself' b/c she can't.
OF COURSE she doesn't want to go. That kind of thinking doesn't usually go hand in hand with the aging brain that thinks they're just fine.
Your resentment and anxiety will get worse and worse. I watched my MIL's constant need for 'something else' take the wind out of her kids' sails. By the time she finally passed, they were all completely burned to a crisp. It will be some time before the 3 of them have 'feels' that aren't rife with anger or resentment or even pain. My Dh had to RETIRE to care for his mom---it has been a very tough change for him.
She is trying, likely whether consciously or subconsciously to change the inevitable and she must not be allowed to do that for your own health and well being.
You didn't cause all these problems of our aging elders.
You can't fix it.
This is life and it isn't about guilt. You aren't a felon and you aren't a Saint. Your mom has to enter care and you can certainly feel shared GRIEF about that. But this must be a ball you keep rolling. Sorry. Know it's very tough.
This is actually great that she is in the ER now .
You tell the ER and the social worker at the hospital that Mom is scheduled to go to assisted living on 8/29 .
You also tell them that you can not take care of her at home , that it’s an “ unsafe discharge “ if they try to send her home today or tomorrow .
Hopefully they will admit Mom at the hospital . When she is discharged you have her brought straight to assisted living via transport . Best money ever spent. This is what I did , I used Mom’s money to pay for the transport . They will take her right into her room at assisted living room . It’s much better than you trying to bring her in the car and then Mom refuse to get out of the car at assisted living .
All you need is for them to keep her in the hospital until 8/29 . If they keep her longer call her assisted living and tell them she will be later . But call them anyway and tell them she will be coming straight from the hospital if they don’t send her to rehab first .
This actually could work out well , going straight to AL from the hospital or rehab. Either way , use a transport service , don’t bring her in your car at any point , even if she goes to rehab first . Use a transport to rehab and then again to assisted living. The social worker at the hospital can set that up , but you have to tell them otherwise they assume you will take Mom in your car .
Good Luck .
She has had a life.
Now, it’s time for you to live yours.
It’s okay to refuse to take her home.
Then, she can move into the room waiting for her.
You can then become a visitor, not a caregiver.
You give no info about your mom's baseline health conditions, so it's hard to advise you really.
I made the decision right up front that my folks would go into managed care bc I didn't want to do any hands on caregiving, and my mother was personality disordered, so we would NOT be cohabitating. I let them know early on, and that was THE best decision I ever made. Mom wound up living for 10+ years after moving to my state, and we'd have strangled one another had I been caring for her in my home!! 😑
Do not compromise YOUR wellbeing over guilt......you know you cannot deal with moms care, so don't. Better to say Sorry Ma now than to caregive for years and be out of your mind with resentment. That's no way to live.
Best of luck.
That is the first step into getting her placed in the appropriate facility. Now you MUST tell the hospital social worker, your mothers doctor and whoever else that will listen that your mother CANNOT return home as she has no one to care for her and that she is an unsafe discharge.
They will then have to find the appropriate facility to place her in where you can get back to just being your mothers child and advocate and not her burned out, resentful and angry caregiver.
So go talk to the social worker RIGHT NOW!!!