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And what constitutes 'a great deal of dementia'? She doesn't have to be incoherent to be suffering from dementia! And demented elders cannot and should not live alone, so if this new arrangement doesn't work out, you're back to square one.
If it were me, I'd get her house sold to finance AL and get her back there right away.
Best of luck!
What is her issue there? Is it the right level of care? The right group? Is it too much assistance the wrong kind?
It's not your job to make someone else happy. Has she been evaluated for depression?
She says they do nothing for her and then quotes the price she is paying monthly. Always has been very aware of where her money goes.
To make matters worse, my brother seems to think AL is where she should be but he is out of state right now and just sends me txt msgs implying I am doing the wrong things that i have done to get her home with live-in help. Initially we agreed AL was appropriate but after seeing her living space, I can understand why she wants out. Also, I am 1.5 hours away.
She has not been evaluated for depression. I just feel like she is just dying at AL. She functioned pretty good at home 85% of the time. She wants to die at home.
we are moving forward with live-in help the end of the month. sure don't want to start over if live-in fails.
Try to get two people. And then tell mom this is gonna be how it is or she's going back into a home.
1- It is to your credit that you will have a live in caregiver that will start next month, this individual will be a blessing to you. However you will both need to have a plan of action in place and I will tell you how this could work in a minute.
2- If you said she has Dementia, despite what stage she may be in, you as the caregiver will have to be educated on the disease to know how to manage the disease so that it won’t overwhelm you and take over your home. I found an excellent source for dementia which is an Expert by the name of Teepa Snow. One of the agencies I worked for years ago had us training under her material and it was very very informative, including information on how to de-escalate behaviors as well as information about the changing brain.
Basically, if she doesn’t have dementia and isn’t cooperative, can you withdraw your assistance at all?
Never know, she might come to like the person. Tell Mom that it helps YOU feel better about mom spending her retirement years in leisure.
It's worth a try lol. Revised after reading about your brother: My brother was in Texas. Not allowed to gripe unless he contributed financially. If he's willing to help out at least financially then he can have a say. Otherwise, it's not his business unless you say so. I grew a spine while taking care on my dad.
Everything in the plans are contingent upon the lone 24 hour a day Caregiver being reliable, honest, trustworthy and a hard worker who is extremely dedicated. Which may or may not be true...
Assisted Living sounds like a much safer place for a 99 year old to be in the long run. With a trained staff.
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