By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/leave-yourself-an-out-477491.htm
So if you have this 'out', and if you're 'well off financially', why are you writing another post asking 'I'm being used, what should I do?'
Norma needs to live on her 'small pension & social security' income, without relying on you to bail her, her mother, and the rest of her family out of the crises they keep having. You paying $3K for the brother's car repairs makes less than NO sense to me. Why would you do such a thing? How is her brother YOUR responsibility, not to mention her mother and her son? How is Norma able to afford $700 a month to 'help with her son's house payment?' And 'giving her $400 a month to clean her mother/sister's house'? Who's 'her'? Norma is giving out $1100 a month to other people and then asking YOU to finance her life?
Yes, you're willingly being taken advantage of BIG time here. And you ask, "What should I do?" What do you WANT to do? Cut Norma off, is the first answer that comes to mind. Give her NO MORE MONEY and tell her to stop paying other people's bills when she can't afford to pay her own, b/c you're done supporting her.
If you're not very careful here, Norma's mother will move into your house, too, and you'll be supporting her as well. Then Norma's son and next her brother!
Either you put your foot down now or this entire family will be walking all over you like a doormat and you'll be flat broke in short order.
Also, why is Norma involved in trying to save her Moms house. Actually Medicaid does not work that way and paying a lawyer is a waste of money. Medicaid does not take houses. If her Mother now needs LTC and has no assets, other than SS and maybe a pension, she applies for Medicaid. The house is exempt. If the sister has taken care of the mother for over 2 yrs, she applies for a Caregiver allowance so she can remain in the home. But she owns half the house so that is not a problem. She can remain there. When mother passes, a lien will be put on her half. Sister can remain living there. Once she sells or passes, the lien will need to be satisfied.
I don't know why, other than the sister who owns half the house, the other siblings are even involved. Its between the sister who owns half and Medicaid. When the application is made out it needs stipulate that two people own the house.
Norma does not have the income to pay for her sons mortgage. Does he realize what his Mom receives a month. Why does she pay to have her sisters and mothers house cleaned. $400 is a lot. How dirty can 2 people be. If there are 4 children they should all be paying.
If the remaining children think they are going to save Moms half of the house, they aren't. It becomes an asset that can be sold so Medicaid can recover for paying for Moms care. Lets say the house is worth $200,000. If it sold Sister owns half so she gets the 100k. Moms been on Medicaid for 2 years so owes about 50k to Medicaid. That has to be satisfied at time of sale from Moms half. So the other siblings split 50k 3 ways. If they all want to hold onto the house, they pay the lien.
I think Norma's family is very misinformed. Medicaid does not take houses. It works as I have described. The survivors are responsible for selling a house and making sure the lien is satisfied. If the house is sold while Mom is on Medicaid, it must be sold at Market Value. Sister getting her half and the other half going for Moms care. Better that the sister live in it.
When you start feeling like your being used, you probably are. If its getting too much for you to support her, then she needs to be told to tell her son and sister she can no longer help them. And the cost of living is a good reason. If son cannot afford his mortgage he should have never bought the house. His 73 yr old mother should not be expected to foot the bill. Neither should she be paying to clean her sisters house. Mom should have been paying her share.
You make it clear to all of them. Your not married not your responsibility when she has the money.
When did these requests for monetary support start?
Are you paying rent to live there, or is this a barter situation?
Unless I am missing something, Norma is in no position to help with her son's house payment, nor to pay for the cleaning of her mother/sister's house. This should stop immediately. Her pension/social security should be used to pay for her own room and board and care while in your house. As for all the things you pay for, for everyone else, this should also stop. Those frequent trips should stop as well. If Norma wants to be there a family member should be responsible. Or how about a phone call/zoom call. You are in charge of your involvement in this. As others have said, "No" is the answer.
Norma gives her SS to her son and mother, then you end up supporting her.
Of course you are being used, by entire family.
Calculate how much expenses you have per month, for both, including gas, food, utilities and at minimum Norma should cover half, and some rent.
I would tell Norma that you will no longer support this arrangement and she can go live with her son.
No, it is a complete sentence.
When we have loaned money for car repairs, we place a lien on the title and that means signed, notarized loan documents. This stops people from using us for financial gain.
People can only use you if YOU allow it.
If you loan money, you do a promissory note that states the vehicle is the collateral, how much, interest rate and payment terms. Then you go to the DMV and place a lien against the car.