By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
As to the problem solving, perhaps you can set aside a specific amount of time in the morning to address problems, or in the evening after problems have occurred. Do so over dinner, or tea, or coffee, but in a relaxed environment to remove stress as a factor. Identify the solutions, then also designate specific time for them, as well as alternates to the plans.
This is one of the things that I think affects us all: things happen, schedules are changed, issues addressed, and plans collapse. Prioritization helps, as not everything is an emergency.
Start by listing the problems, complex and urgent to those that are less so. If you can have brief discussions on the issues, do so, and if you can get your parents to help identify solutions, that's even better. Finding a way for them to take part in the process of problem solving helps them stay involved as well as appreciate the efforts involved. Turn it from your problem solving to a joint one (I'm assuming your parents are still capable of participating in this?).
This isn't going to happen overnight though. Just start with a simple problem, discuss it, identify solutions and when and who can implement them. Then keep adding, as if you were an employer and you're identifying work plans for the week. Bring in the caregivers as appropriate; they're probably a part of the solution as well.
But do prioritize; don't take on everything at once. And do make quiet times a major part of the day; not all problems are priority, so take advantage of those that aren't.
My first suggestion is to figure out your own self-care. I would contact a socialworker or support group to figure out local resources and your self-care program. I meet with a socialworker every few weeks to talk about stressors and self care.
My next suggestion is to think through what are doable first steps to change your situation so that you can devote more time and energy to self care. (Ahhhhh, I think I will take my own advice here and do the same! :-)
My mom lives with me. She and I talk about her moving into care at some point soon. We talk about it as a way for her socialize with other people closer to her age and as a way for her to have more of a sense of independence. She doesn't like having to depend on me and my husband and it makes her feel like a burden.
We talk about how my home is her home too and that she will be visiting me for long weekends and occasionally for a week at a time. This is what works best for me because I need the break from caregiving but I also want to remain close to her.
My husband and I both are taking care of my mom. Its my primary responsibility and I dont have a job other than taking care of my mom. It's still borderline too much work.
Are you able to hire someone to help you care for your FIL? Who takes care of him primarily, you or your husband? If it is you, does that work for you? Personally, I would find it very difficult to care for my in-laws. I've decided I wont do this for anyone other than my mom. It's hard enough with her and we have a close relationship. Personally, I wouldn't advise that anyone takes care of their parents or in-laws unless they already have a close and respectful relationship. It's too hard otherwise.