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she changed moms DNR status from a Full code to a DNR.
mom has dementia and doesn’t even remember going to this new lawyer. Before I could even legally resign, my sister had mom sign documents done that mom wanted her POA and medical POA. And I would be the back up.
I don’t want to be the back up for someone who took moms money for herself and gave 1000s of dollars to her other brother that recently moved in with my 90 year old mom.
since then they have used my deceased dads credit card and Racked up 16,000 in debt in 3 months.
I’m at a loss
That being said, this doesn't solve the issues with hospital or doctors. Contact lawyer in your area. Show lawyer your POA and have them contact hospital and doctors about your rights. Then, set appointment for sister with a legal representative about working out the access to health information issue if working with a counsellor doesn't work out.
My lawyer said dr should never have agreed on blocking me from access without the legal documents.
the hospital has the correct information about code status but for some reason when my sister took her for a follow up she said moms a DNR. The doctor accepted it and took her off her meds and suggested home care, which my sister declined and said she would be palliative now.
lawyer is sending documents that I am resigning from Financial POA. And being the executive. I don’t want any part of that.
My thinking is this is a fight for guardianship if mom is severely demented and incapable of making her own decision. You are talking 10,000 and the court may remove it from BOTH you and sis and appoint a state guardian/fiduciary. OR one of you will be told to resign. OR you resign now and that surely would be my choice. You have taken this to your mother. She has denied there is a problem. Your sister lives in her area and is caring for her. You will likely not win this, and were I you I would resign and take the worry of responsibility where you cannot act off the table.
I hope you will update us as you go, whatever you decide. Wishing you good luck.
and I want mom to have home nursing check on her and my sister said she doesn’t need it. But talking to mom she says she would love company!
she actually loved being in the hospital because everyone was nice and talked to her. Now she is home all day alone and can’t remember if she even ate .
it’s costly to apply for guardianship and costly to resign at this point.
If there isn't a new PoA and you are still a co, then the lawyer needs to write a letter to the hospital admins regarding their actions.
Having co-PoAs only works when the relationship between the 2 are solid and healthy (and suspicion-free). My husband and his youngest brother are co for their Mom and it's worked fine for many years (but then again the Mom has no assets and is on Medicaid in a LTC facility).
Who is the FPoA for your Mom? Are you co on that as well? I'm not sure what the power struggle between you two is all about. It's certainly not in your mother's best interests. The big guns would be to pursue guardianship but that is very expensive.
Often we only get one side of the story. Hoping this isn't really about inheritance (as it often is). Can you please provide more information?
mom can’t make her own decisions at this point. I have said “ mom you are spending more than you have in the bank so we have to fix this/ her response is I know I have lots of money/ “. She doesn’t understand time, place, month-and can be swayed in the moment which is sad that people take advantage.
walking away from this fiasco would be better for my mental health but I didn’t realize I would need a lawyer to do so.
staying in my supposedly position I am legally responsible for what’s going on and in the future don’t want to be questioned by moms other adult children and grandchildren why moms money was depleted or why grandma is in a horrible nursing home.
I am stuck in the decisions I need to make and need help
As you seem so determined to act upon it I am assuming your Mom currently is diagnosed with dementia so severe as to make her incompetent in her own decisions.
Are you medical POA?
Does the doctor have a copy of your MPOA?
Is sister now MPOA?
I cannot make heads or tails.
Are you GENERAL POA?
WHO is caring for your mother?
In your note to me re PM you say you are just wanting to walk away from this, but dependent on your legal paperwork and documents, and given your Mom has some dementia, it isn't as easy as that.
I just don't understand your situation at all.
WHO IS THE POA/GUARDIAN FOR YOUR MOM WITH DEMENTIA.
If you are POA and are in control of mom's life and her finances how in the world can an MD not share information with you? It is entirely illegal for anyone to ignore a legal POA. I truly don't understand.
If you are POA AND your mom has dementia, it is not as easy as walking away. You have to RESIGN. Resigning POA with a demented adult is a COURT ACTION. You would need an attorney. Then a Court proceeding withdrawing as general POA. Then a letter would then go to your sister, you mom, and whomever else is currently taking care of mom now and to every entity you are currently managing your mom's business, assets or anything else.
Sorry to sound so very frustrated, but I cannot tell who is legally (key word) in charge here by legal documents, and who is currently ignored those documents. I can also not tell who is currently caring for your Mom. To my mind that should be the person doing MPOA and all other POA work.
THEN you can walk away, and were I you I would do just exactly that.
Good luck.