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Even if she had been home, her husband could have fallen while she was making him a sandwich OR while she was sitting on the toilet relieving herself OR while she was doing laundry OR getting the mail etc etc etc.
She could have fallen asleep on the sofa out of exhaustion and he could have fallen then. Maybe it's time you ask his doctor for a sedative so that he sleeps more, and you both can get some rest.
In my opinion, expectations of caregivers are getting ridiculous. Happy - you have my sympathy!
I.e., were you aware that he was physically challenged and a fall risk, and that he needed 24/7 assistance? Liability might turn on that.
(I haven't done any legal research on this issue; this is just a supposition of how police or medical professionals might approach the issue, specifically, whether or not you were aware that a potentially dangerous situation existed and could occur.) Knowledge of the possibility might be the foundation for determination of liability.
If it's not practical (or affordable?) for you to hire someone to stay with him when you want to leave the house, find ways to go out less often. Order everything online and have it delivered. When you have dental/medical appointments or when you simply must go out, hire someone to look after him, or place him in adult day care.
Look at it this way: When your son was small, did you leave him at home alone for two hours? ... for 10 minutes? Probably not. I didn't leave my relatively self-sufficient children alone until they were twelve-ish, and by that age they knew safety procedures and could get around and use the phone.
I am freaking out that you are leaving a wheelchair-bound person with mild dementia on his own! This is not an easy situation, and you have my sympathy, but you are in denial!
Investigate respite care (at a local facility) for the time when you need to help your son following his surgery.
Best of luck as you find ways to see that your Dh is safe and cared for in your absence.
You may want to reevaluate your situation. If Money is no problem, maybe time to place DH in an AL. If money is a problem, maybe you can get Medicaid homecare.
Yes, as your husbands caretaker you are responsible. What if he set the house on fire and couldn't get out. What if a neighbor calls APS.
Call your local office of aging to see what resources are available to you.
From reading others' posts, I think you have 2 major and potentially conflicting choices:
1. Arrange for a higher level of monitoring and supportive home care care; or
2. Consider an out of home placement, temporarily or permanently.
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1. Getting a medical pendant so he's not w/o resources to call if he's down is the first step I'd take. There are a lot of posts addressing this issue, with suggestions:
https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=medical+pendants
I found this service invaluable.
2, a. As has been suggested, arrange for care while you're gone. You might consider (a) home care through a company (be careful, though; there are some real jerks out there) (b) friendly visitors (c) church people.
b. Is he a Veteran? I don't recall specifically my conversations of a few years ago but if I do recall correctly, the VA has a friendly visitor program for Veterans.
c. Neighbors.
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As to your son's surgery, I certainly understand you would want to be with him before, during and afterwards. This might be a chance for a "test run" of someone to stay with your husband.
The son can enlist friends, do whatever he must, come by you, and etc. It's crucial he inform doc he has no support to be with him. But truly, you are, to my mind, responsible if you take on more than you know is safe to handle, and your husband is injured. I am so sorry, but you cannot do it all.
Q
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/am-i-legally-responsible-for-my-husband-who-is-wheelchair-bound-and-has-a-mild-dementia-452335.htm
I see by your profile, it is almost impossible to take hubby with you whenever you leave the house. Maybe it is time to rethink the situation and put hubby onto Medicaid [which is different than Medicare]. And with his numerous health issues think about a nursing home, which I know isn't everyone's first choice.
happy, please note that 40% of all family caregivers die leaving behind the love one they were caring. Then what? Oh, I hope you can find a good remedy.
Good luck!